worth the wait

almost everyone i know have experienced it.

they know how it feels, the way it looks, what's so cool about it. they have all formed opinions on what it lacked. they figured out how it could be improved. they loved and enjoyed it.

they had been enthralled and touched by the story. they felt pain, remorse, kilig, joy, and bitin-ness.

hay. nagagawa nga naman ng superman returns.


i think i am one of the last people who has seen the movie. i knew i could have caught it the first week of showing but my daddy acquired imax tickets on a later schedule. so even when all my friends ranted and raved about it, i kept the resolve NOT to see it if not in 3d. haha. yabang.

it was early morning, ano ba?

the eight story screen and the alien-y glasses convinced me that i deserved nothing less. i mean, it's cool that you see superman flying, but on 3d it's as if you can actually hold his face. [how papable brandon routh is. *swoons*]

this entry isn't meant to evaluate the quality of the film. duh. you've probably seen it [like the rest of the world] so i need not get into critic mode. you've probably heard it all, anyway. and this is not an evaluation of the imax cinema either. i am too lazy to be descriptive.

eh bat ba. blog ko to. this is meant to make inggit. hahahahahaha!

anyway, SONA day. i only appreciated it in high school because we always had no classes. eight years after, i get sick of the same crap. i am sorry. but i'm not a fan of hullabaloos.

basically it goes like this:

i forgot to talk about education. *applause*

really, i am stealing money from the public all the while. *applause*

i would like to thank fanny serrano for my hair and make up. *applause*

i don't have plans for the future but so what? i am cute. *applause*

and that ladies and gentlemen is how it goes.

the sights and sounds of public transpo and missable misses

on my way to manila from le uber cool mountains, i was feeling so happy because my week had been productive [look ma, i'm awake]. plus the night sky was so amazing. i was so filled with joy stargazing on the bus [good thing victory liner busses have large windows], i didn't notice that we have stopped for a long time. there were red lights strobing in the distance and media vans. wow scoop ito. then the bus moved forward and when i looked out, holy jeepers, there was a dead man sprawled on marcos hi-way! all i could blurt out was, "oh my goodness." my only consolation was that i didn't see his face. creepy.

i tried to sleep. that's new because i never tried sleeping; it had always been so natural to me. anyway, i finally dozed off and the next thing i knew, we were in manila. i decided to walk and take the jeep instead of hailing a cab. i needed to exercise. and cross big roads. [oh. pedestrian stop lights in timog corner edsa, don't work.]

in the jeepney, there were two men talking about working late shifts. baristas most likely. they were discussing how annoying it was when customers would trip them. i felt guilty for giving psst, all, ever, free and takeshi as my name for order call outs. but but it's so fun hearing, "pizza for ever!" diba? diba? or "coffee for all!" ah. but them baristas are smart. they changed the system for trippers. they'd now say, "free, your coffee is ready." oh diba, style. chenes.

one time, there was a gay teener snuggling so close to me even when the jeep was half empty. he was talking in his green 7610 and he suddenly says to me,"ate, ang ganda ng fone ko noh. hahaha." lasing ka ba?

::::::: (",) :::::::
i stumbled upon the OBB of the adventures of pete and pete on you tube. you know, the nickelodeon show with two brothers with the same name. my siblings and i bonded over every episode; waking each other up on wee hours of the day to catch re-runs. i felt my eyes brimming with tears at the sight of the all-too familiar characters: pete, pete, petunia, ellen, mom, dad, artie, nona, bus driver stu... and other quirky characters. i felt like i reunited with a long lost love.



speaking of old nick shows, i also miss clarissa explains it all. melissa joan hart as clarissa darling is just adorable. she's probabaly one of the reasons why i majored in journalism. hehe. joke lang yun. i love love the show. i'd catch it everyday, even the 2am replay. i was that hooked because the show gives light to typical teenager issues in an interesting, "journalistic" way [i am talking about teeny bopper issues. i was young, sue me]. plus clarissa had an eccentric fashion sense. although bordering on tacky, it was forgivable. heck, it was the early 90's.



i can probably name a dozen shows i miss. legends of the hidden temple, all that [the original cast], kenan and kel, the secret world of alex mack, wwf [yes, when stone cold reigned supreme and dx was the coolest thing ever], tgis *rolls eyes*, takeshi's castle, shaider, mask man [laser squadron, mas-kuu maaan!], bio man, dexter's lab, saved by the bell, beverly hills 90210, doogie houser, m.d., mcgyver *swoon*, mission impossible [when they were a team and not tom cruise hogging the spotlight]... so that's more than a dozen. and i grew up glued on the tube [but what kid in my generation isn't?] oh yes, i also sorely miss encantadia.



teka, teka, ankoolet ng DX! carlito, mag-suicide ka na. :)

some, some

signs that you've been inactive for a real long time:

1. when you manually polish the floor [read: floorwax at bunot] and ten minutes into the job, you sweat like an athlete.

2. carrying the rice cooker from one table to another makes your arms ache soon after.

3. you feel that resting means sleeping.

4. you can't finish a book because you fall asleep while reading.

5. walking uphill, say two steps up, makes you cry.

... goodness. what is wrong with this picture?

i am not a fan of british royalty. when somebody points out that camilla whoever is wearing a hideous head-dress, i'd go, "huh?" and i couldn't care less if prince william liked/likes britney spears. [but wait. britney's just a bad taste.]so no, when i step into london, i shall not bother myself with royalty. pish-posh.

fairy tales don't happen. they're too disney-ish. i'd believe fairy tales if one of them royal people fall in love with a non-celebrity, non-political [to the third degree] common person with a name like andrea corpus batungbakal. hah. so unlikely.

okay. i'm losing it. somebody had better talk to me or take me jogging.

i misseth thee like whoa

i have never had a friend like you.

you taught how to enjoy cocktails and pretend like i've been drinking them for a long time already.

you live a cool life. heck, you're in london now.

you make mean-ness almost nice. ["tis a joy to discover the villain within." :)]

you give special time to anybody who needs it.

you are a good listener.

you laugh at my jokes and apir like uso pa ang apir. hahaha.

you showed me how real friendship can survive across shores [and over time].

you have made may to june most unforgettable.

you brought the efc back together. haha. [mga tamad kasing lumabas]

you reminded me that God is super gracious in every way.

you proved that even the most composed, "rational" being can go bonkers over love.

you taught me that gorgeous can apply to everyone.




so for you, my loveliest angel, all weather friend, extremely amazing ego-booster and uber pranka best friend...

take me to LONDON with you. hehe.

seriously, i love you more than these words know what they mean.

mark 2012. we shall hail the queen. or me. haha.

H A L P !

what to do when 1) it's raining like hell in baguio, 2) there's a landslide near your house, 3) you are moolahless, 4) there is a shortage of munchables in the house, 5) you can't cook because you're too poor to buy gas and 6) you have no job?

...scream... scream if you love silence and sanity!

seriously, you start by praying that the rain will go on forever so that classes will be cancelled [so, in my case, i won't have campus work] then sleep until noon or until the sun shines, whichever comes first. you later realize that you have to get out of bed lest you spontaneously combust from too much friction, so up you go. when you go to the kitchen and there isn't a chance of boiling water for coffee, you drink it cold. after two hours and the radio still blares the same songs, you dress up and camwhore like there's no tomorrow. when the camwhoring gets seriously lame, you learn a board game. when you have mastered the game and declare yourself a genius in cluedo, experiment on the kitchen. when you feel that catsup and corned beef is a good combination, play in the rain. pretend that your world is one big shandy advertisement.

then you'd realize that it has only been an hour and a half since you got out of bed.

can you spell evidently lame? apparently, i DON'T know what to do.

trip to quiapo

SEQ 1.EXT.LATE AFTERNOON.LIVING ROOM.
XAI [TEXTING]:
Kuya, Paano ba pumunta sa Luneta?
KUYA [in deep thought]:
Sumulat ka ng nobela laban sa mga Espanyol at magsimula ka ng rebolusyon. bwahaha! [sabay batok]

my girlfriends and i planned to meet at the national hero's shrine at 5pm today. i didn't know how to get to Luneta from our place. but i'm a smart kid, i'd figure it out. so i hailed a jeepney [yes, i'm a fan of jeepneys] to quiapo and asked the manong how to get to luneta. yey me! i'm on the right ride. the jeep goes straight to rizal park.

the travel time took forever so i busied myself with cutie sightings. there was a ust boy wearing orange and i thought he looked okay. so i stared at him from behind and i realized, no he was not. but he's the best looking thing in the jeep so i focused on him for a while. when he got down, i decided to do something else [like i had a choice] so i daydreamed winning the 2 million jackpot from deal or no deal. [kris says it like, "djeel or no dzeel!"]

in my mind, i keep saying "no deal" or "hey hey hey banker" or "say it again kris" or "ohmigosh, ohmigosh" and i really had fun turning down the banker's generous offers. i know i have the top amount on the briefcase i picked which was 3 or 18 or 13 or 8. i am very confident i'd win. and then kris aquino jumps up and down and almost trips at her long green gown from excitement. and i am like, "ohmigoodness. i won! i won!" and she goes, "oh my gosh xaris, you are our first 2 millionaire!" and i go, "i know, i know. thank God" and i plan on giving half my prize money to church and to inter varsity and keep the other half in the bank or buy the banker a new phone. everyone is screaming with happiness and i keep thanking everyone and i go, "i just knew i got the 2 million in that briefcase. may peace ako when i said no deal. grabe praise God!" and kris says, "God really is good. what can you say now?" "Banker, baba ka dito, party tayo!!!"

when i got back home later, i watched deal or no deal and guess what, somebody missed the 2 million jackpot on briefcase 18. *guho ang mundo*

i believe i had tears in my eyes after my award-winning daydream. the amused manong driver smiled at me and said, "neng, dito ka na bababa. rizal park na o." i looked outside and blushed. "ay talaga manong?" "ikaw lang mag-isa papasyal?" "hindi po, may imi-meet po ako. salamat ho." and i got down.

walking through the park gave me a sense of serenity with the light breeze cooling my sweaty forehead. i can't help but smile and feel kilig while strolling. i looked down on the tiled walkway and looked up at the lamp posts half expecting that suddenly everything will turn sepia. and that i'll come across stern guardia civils. i like the idea of time travelling. that's my communion with my old soul. you see, i think i was born in the wrong century. hehe.

i came ahead of my friends, so i chummied the manong sikyu at the monument. i asked him why tourists couldn't go near the statue. i vaguely remember that when i was a kid, we could go near rizal's statue. the manong said, "eh kasi ginugulo ng mga tao yung mga nagbabantay, nainis na sila. nagkakalat pa. mga pilipino talaga." i nodded sympathetically feeling gulity that once in my life i thought about pestering the marines on duty. *shame* i understand completely now. history and culture 101.

ten years passed and snow and sleet fell, no friends came. so i walked alone looking like a defeated househelp stood up by her pen pal who's supposed to eyeball her. i sat down and slumped and bought c2 [na duh, bente pesos, ang taga taga talaga].

i was observing the passers by and counted more boy-pairs than male and female lovers against the world. brokeback ba ito? they were so many i could only sigh and say, "why God?" [insert props and set for jesus christ super star]. kidding. *lugmok sa bitterness*

a maya was eating clover chips nearby. nainggit tuloy ako. but i couldn't eat so i decided to write. after finishing a novel [sobrang wala pa rin ang mga ka-meet ko] while the sun was saying buh-bye already, i thought it best to leave. grabe naman isang oras na ko dun, ano bur? i wanted to ride a calesa but i couldn't spot one. so i walked until i found a jeep to take me home. astig. door to door ang moda.

i love manila now. and the jeep to quiapo. and many other things. as for my girlfriends, we can always set a new date. nothing beats the trip i had today. :)

magtrabaho ka na xai

this is fun. much thanks to on her tabulas [which i so loveth] for this.

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must in turn post this meme on your blog
9. With a letter I assign to you, you must write ten things that you like that begin with that letter.

she assigned me W.
1. wasabe. it's relief from bad sinus problems.
2. wonderwall. i remember my favorite person when i hear this and i cry.
3. weirdness. because everyone is normal.
4. walnuts
5. wacks. *keeleg*
6. wendy's
7. wednesday addams
8. willy wonka *bliss*
9. writing. ahahaha. lookie ms.L, i can write.
10. watanabe, ken. will you marry me?

mkay. right now, i am watching an inane antoinette taus movie. i so have better things to do but look at me. what's wrong with this picture? better get back to work.

snuff out the shine

this is goodbye to my pinoy big brother dreams.

[moment of silence]

two weekends, i planned to breeze my way into the pbb auditions and turn on the charms i have not used in a long time. i even got my pictures [close up and full body], birth certificate, and bio data [which i had to research for because i had no idea what a bio data looks like]. so yes, i was semi prepared. semi because the stupid side of me did not even check where the auditions were supposed to be held! [yeah, spell stupid *rolls eyes*]

this last weekend, i was willing to go to abscbn and ask around there but i caught a virus in baguio and was sick for four days. suffice to say, i missed my dear chance to fame. boohoo, indeed.

so to console my pityful self, i keep saying that maybe God did not want me to audition because i will be such a shoo in and of course, they'll get me and make me a housemate and then i won't be able to concentrate on GT work. that's probably it. i did not get the chance to audition because i'm good as in and that will greatly affect my committment as GT. perhaps this really isn't my time. next year, xai, next year. right.

and anyway, i have plenty of time to come up with fool proof ways for being famous. and tss, pbb is just a phase. and it's too beneath me. really now. me in pbb. it's the most inane thing ever. i hate the show anyway. it's too mediated. you want the real let's-all-live-together-in-one-space-and-try-to-enjoy-each-other? try kawayan camp. and the big brother there is THE big brother. screw up and you get dealt with big time. and there are no hidden cameras but he can see your every move and thought. beat that direk lauren.

dripping with bitterness now. hehe.

what is going to happen when i become famous? nothing much. i think i will be the same weird kid i am now. but oh. i will meet people. them sparkling, shining, shimmering splendid people. and then i am bound to be starstruck and gaping every second and looking like a freakazoid. more than usual. maybe i'll get the nerve to come up to my favorite people and say, "ah, hello po. pwede ko po ba kayong palakpakan?" and then clap like an overexcited teeny bopper meeting bobby andrews for the first time. *keeleg* i already have a list of applaud worthy people.

1. joel torre
2. pen medina
3. cesar montano
4. sharon cuneta [yes. i'm sharonian. so sue me.]
5. ronnie lazaro
6. dolphy
7. jose manalo [haha. really.]

so there. i have let my proverbial hair down. if only i can endorse a shampoo brand. uy, ang ganda, ay... erm... urp.

maniler, begyow, erm, time warp

back from baguio. oh, i can do this every week. right.

too much sleep and drama for the past three days made my eyes super puffy [i'm chinita now] and my bionic eyesight unreliable. imagine all the cutie sightings i missed. grah.

i am dead tired from all the travelling to and from the city of pines. [what pines? you can't even smell a hint of it except maybe when your car freshener is fake pine-scented.] and the bus. oh gosh, the bus. it's too cold. i had to put the curtain up to block the stupid air condition from numbing me. hanlameeg, as in! as if i have the moolah for all the expenses. nyek. i'm working and making megabucks [haha. right] but i feel so poor from all the travelling. i even had to take my parents on a guilt-trip to support me. works every time.

but i am happy. i'm still adjusting to the GT life [that's graduates team]. and it didn't help at all that my thesis pakner is a dramachine like me. drama, drama, drama. i'm assigned to *gasps* UB where it's "all up here" *points index finger to temple*. actually, i'm axcited as much as i am horrified. anything for the love of the Lord. [this is what i've always wanted, but the tax is just too much] i lurve doing this.

i think i had better wrap this up. no more corporate bratting for me today. hehe. my boss just got back. yipes!

ok kids

Josiah's Catering is one of the finalists for international events supplier of the year in the spotlight awards. visit www.event-solution.com and vote for us.

ganito yan. punta ka sa site. tas click the spotlight awards tab. tas click vote. tas follow procedures, vote Judith Versoza of Josiah's Catering and have a nice day.

yes, yes! Josiah's is the best! :)

:::::::(",):::::::
ahaha. andami pang gagawin tas pa-blog blog lang ako sa comsci office. xaris, yah hafta start working. ang dami mo pang deadline. [isn't it nice to have alter egos tell you what to do? that's xai speaking now]

oh the joys of schitzophrenia!

and now here are news about my beloved UP Baguio.

i saw my ex-crush teacher who looks like a japanese doll. he used to have long beautiful hair and now the locks are gone. he looks so weird. in a cute way, though. reports show that hair really does make or break a person's, erm, face? on other ex-crush teacher news, one has gone awol. sources say that he has probably heard that xalai is coming and now he is in hiding. a red alert is up on finding nemo.

on other news, the dormitory has been renovated, marzan inspired no doubt, with peach tiles and paint. it's so screaming fag. but the crs look so bath-able and brehans will no longer use the "walang-tubig" excuse to get away with the wisik wisik syndrome. the water problem is still there but who cares about water when you have adorable bathrooms? and the forbidden room, 204, is now in use. good luck to its residents.

this just in. xalai is in campus. beware of the dyosa lurking the beautiful halls of the academe spreading gayness and weirdness all over. and warning to all freshmen wannabe fashionistas, she hasn't given up her reign. quote-bwahahaha-unqoute.

and that was all the rage in UP Baguio. toodles and have a nice day.

[INSERT CBB]

you and me against the world

like the kris aquino robin padilla movie on cinemaone now. okay. channel zap now.

i hate hate hormones. it's making me crazy. everyday, i feel like crying [so not the drama]. i keep thinking that i have done everything i possibly might want to do, and now i'm bored because i've pretty much done it all. yeah, it sounds cool that way. haha.

i suppose this is where dreaming comes in. when people have dreams they try their best to live and make it happen. they don't stop and do everything in their power to stay positive. because dreaming is free. because it knows no bounds. because it is there that they feel human.

[insert sappy cinderella theme song]

"in dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep" yes. because nobody is there to take your dream away from you. there will be no one to make you feel left-out, insignificant, unpretty, insecure... oh, the list of villainy deeds goes on. the thing is, none of it will be in your dreams. if only reality is as sweet.

makes me think though. i have to keep dreaming. it's one of the things that keep me sane alive.

if there's any consolation about all my dreaming/drama, it's that at the end of the day [or night], upon waking up, i have a big God who has my back. sweet dreams or not. plus, He so rocks He gives me reason to dream, believe and survive. [yes. i shall be a star soon.]:)

phooey

i have never seen titanic. the leo di caprio-kate winslet titanic. not once. not even a glimpse.

NEVERRRR.

that's because when i was in the sixth grade, i was a geek. i watched discovery channel and national geographic channel on a daily basis. i kept saying that i'd rather see the documnetary of what really happened with the titanic than watch it in a love story format. and i thought leo was gay. and celine dion's my heart will go on was too, well, cheesy. but i sing it anyway.

jack and rose are a bunch of phonies. they fell in love with each other because there were no other options. everyone else was just so bad. it had to be jack and rose.

and an iceberg was the perfect end to their relationship.

so what really happened to the titanic? the geeky side of me come to science to explain why a ship so well-planned and built would sink just like that. it was beyond science.

seven fatal words registered on my head: not even God can sink this ship. there you go, off into subzero, titanic. but i can't help but think of the innocent people there. yeah, even "jack" and "rose." it gives new meaning to the phrase God cannot be mocked. whatever God was thinking, He knows what He's doing. i wonder if the movie highlighted that.

i think i had better see it.

WEATHER you like it or yes.

the weather matches my mood. it's sunny then bleak then drizzling then humid. like a whirlwind of emotions, it surges to the highest point then drops down- kerplunk with glaring meanness.

i need to get away. and where i am running to is not my comfort zone. but i need to get there fast before it pours again.

it's a place where i have to take care of myself. where i have to pay my bills. where i just couldn't wear my heart on my sleeves. i think the place i'm headed for is called reality.

stupid weather.

shine, shine, shine

i was reading a british chick lit, not exactly what you'd call smart reading, but hey, it's not like i had better things to do. i was really amused by the lead character, she's a shopaholic [guess the book title] and she's so real. i do think i can be as ditzy as her often times. but not all ditzy-sounding and looking people are as bad as anyone thinks they are. hah! you'd be surprised to know that they actually have something in between their ears. and it's prettier than what you see. [ehem, ehem]

the author is a journalist and i have to hand it to her, she makes it sound as if writing is the best job in the world. journalists do have a knack for turning otherwise uninteresting tales into a winner. they almost always make a lame tale into a pulitzer tear-jerker. as if it's worth writing about. and they do get away with it. even if they have to exaggerate, they give typical, everyday life a human interest angle. right.

my feature writing teacher thinks i couldn't write. and for a while, i listened to her [that's the ditz in me talking]. i seriously think that i didn't have enough substance to meet her standards. and then i realized she had none. standards, i mean. i do believe she was bitter and she hated my class for some mundane reason. haha. poor blouse.

who knew i'd be writing for my first job and sidelining as tagapanatili ng kagandahan [you see, i make my own job title]. wait, i didn't get a degree in journalism for nothing. so let me tell you about my life.

[haha. like i have one.]

it had only been a week since my graduation when i got offered a writing-slash-PR-slash-food taster [haha] job. i didn't even sweat to look for a job. i go to work only when i feel like it and i wear fabulous ensembles from U2. when i'm not upholding beauty in the workplace, my friends and i meet for a margarita or coffee and dine in all these fancy places. i get to try different cuisines weekly. plus at work, we have free lunch and if we're lucky we get to sample the fine, culinary expertise of our resident chef. we do have that at work, you know.

but i wonder somehow if that's the kind of job i wanted to keep. i mean, i get to chat with the right people, get endorsements every now and then, do radio plugs and write press releases... it's too much really. i want to be something else. like a star. not an actress. a star. and it's Biblical too [okay that was taken out of context, scratch that].

i seriously want to be a celebrity but my non-showbiz parents think it's a waste of energy. but but but, i think i'll be good at it. no, i can't really act, i lost my thespian inclinations a long time ago. but who in philippine showbusiness can, right? nobody would notice.i was born for stardom. i mean, i'm so glam, i piss glitter!

i'm gearing up for celebrity status. i can't go on leading a normal life. i want sparkle. i want controversy. i want to give kris aquino a run for her money [or half of it]. normalcy is just so not me. really unbecoming. so watch out fame, xaris is so there.

[now, what did i say about journalists and exaggerating...?]

DISCLAIMER: journalism is a profession of accuracy and fact-checking. if i had a license, it would have been revoked... even before i got my degree. let REAL journalists live.

para kay bobby andrews

my close friend's boyfriend passed away today. the guy had been sick for a long time but is very positive about life. he loved my friend dearly. loved. as in past tense. how quick life is. and the sad part is that my friend wasn't with him when that happened. he was in pampanga, she in baguio. no goodbyes. no nothing.

i also want to die young. [hindi dahil suicidal ako or anything ah] i seriously want to go home up there and be with my Lord forevermore. but that's preempting His will diba, kaya chillax lang. seize the day for His glory.

kaya, bago mahuli ang lahat, magtatapat na ako.

remember TGIS days? *sigh* well, it had always been the highlight of my week, to see bobby andrews aka joaquin torres III or wacks and peachy making pa-cute and other teeny bopper stuff [sheesh. i was in the 5th grade. that was my idea of kilig]. i would even try to go to their set and watch the taping [which is really ridiculous because i live on the other side of the planet]. puh-thetique talaga. hehe. i'd collect his pictures pa and drool on articles written about him. i would even give my life to defend the glory of TGIS when the rival network came up with a teen show. i remember fighting with a classmate when she said rico yan was cuter [to which, i agree now].

when i realized mcgyver and i could not be together, i considered batman or shaider. and when it sank in that we have no future, i settled for bobby andrews. i loved bobby andrews. or wacks. [i was a confused kid, they could very well be the same person, duh.] i swore allegiance to the TGIS barkada which i believed would last forever. i promised to marry bobby andrews [i'm hardcore jologs like that]! fortunately, kids do grow up. and hey, it was good while it lasted.

looking back, i'm now, what the heck was i thinking??

buryong.

isang tulog na lang, AMORSOLO partay na! sinong mag-aakala na makalipas ang apat na taon, eh, going strong pa rin kami. naks. i never thought i would use "going strong" to refer to a, uh, multiple relationship (?). hehe. nainlab na sa section ang baklang ako. creepy. so yeah, everyone had better be there or cindy and i will attack real soon. boo.

:::::::(",):::::::

bat ang daming kantang naisusulat tungkol sa jeepney? basa...
-bumaba ako sa JEEPNEY
-miss miss sa loob ng JEEPNEY
-doon sa sakayan ng JEEP
-konti na lang at aandar nang aking JEEPNEY
-mga JEEPNEY mong nagliliparan
...at marami pang iba. siguro. tapos parang inlab lagi ang tema. siguro nga'y may mga tao na nakakatagpo ng pag-ibig sa mahiwagang sasakyan na ito na nagbuhat pa noong world war 2. eh bat ganon? jeep naman ako ng jeep, wala naman akong nakakatagpo. boo to the 100th power. mabuti pa ang taxi. isa lang ang pwede mong pagkainteresan. yung mamang taxi driver. at kung hindi ma-type-an, kiber lang, walang emotional investment. olats nga lang ang metro. kasi naman, welcome to the thirdworld. buti pa sa baguio, sulit magtaxi. mura na nga, honest pa yung mga driver. ultimong singkwenta sentimos, ibabalik sayo. tas tatawagin ka pang ma'am o kaya ading. sweet noh.

balik tayo sa jeep. ah, ano nga ba. ayun. kalokohan mag-jeep sa aurora blvd patungong quiapo. kasi may lrt na. hahaha. walang point yung sinabi ko, actually. kaya wala, tatapusin ko na ang usapan o kantahang jeepney.

[who to diss, who to diss]

oh. i was watching myx one late night looking forward to seeing the one music video that seems to be eluding me. so while waiting, i decided to check out other videos and not channel zap [because i love channel surfing]. actually i didn't watch the videos, i was reading the lyrics. and what lack of poetry and style one band, let's call it P-syet [silent T], had! lame is the best word for it. parang chopsuey na kung anu-anong cliche. and the melody was okay but then it's not exactly "original" because most of their songs sounded like it. i then found myself crying for the philippine music industry. that's exaggerated. but i was sad, really. buti na lang, hindi lahat ng artists katulad nila. boo. and i won't even mention that none of the band members are hot. diba, kung wala kang substance, daanin mo sa form. eh kaso, parehong wala. so boo, boo, boo.

be nice xai.

erm, i didn't get to see the one video i so wanted to see. grah.

wheeeee!

last night [or was it in the wee hours of morning], a full moon was up even when a storm was still brewing [or about to say goodbye; i never really cared much about the weather]. and so the tree branches outside my window were beating against the wind; a coconut tree on the left and a palawan cherry/balete tree on the right. imagine the swaying branches plus the howling wind plus a little drizzle illuminated by the moon in the background. it was a little creepy, much like a scene from a horror movie or michael jackson's thriller. i was waiting for the tenenenenenenen theme from twilight zone; it didn't come. and ohmigoodness, there were bats! i swear they were screeching and flying around without direction, perhaps bumping into tree trunks or something. for some reason, i smiled at the thought that batman is probably around the corner... seriously, last night was so creepy. but i wasn't freaked out or anything. i was actually a bit kilig. i couldn't go back to sleep and i reached for my phone. i had three messages. one was from my thesis partner who said they were praying for me. at 3am. surreal mehn. it's a nice feeling when people dear to you remember to pray for you. maybe that's why i couldn't sleep.

for some reason, just lying in bed watching the movements outside was really relaxing. i took the time to thank the Lord for all His blessings. and like i usually do, i make sumbong about all my frustrations and cry my heart out to Him. and then i sing and tell Him how mcuh i love him. and you know, the next day, i woke up wearing a smile and a certain glow that comes from within.

and what a great day i had. :) keeleg talaga.

to euclid

i see no future in us.

one, because you are you and i am me.

two, because we don't see things eye to eye.

three, because i am psychic and i am good at being one.

you are always near yet so far. it's the dumbest cliche i can think of, but it's the truest. i imagine you and me together and it had been perfect for a while. we held hands like two kids lost in unfamiliar territory. it was comforting to know that you were beside me. i'd get lost with you any time. i hope we never get found.

you have a beautiful mind. your thoughts are always delicious. you see things i wanted to see. you live out all my frustrations. you, above all, always make me smile. and when you smile back, it's enough reason to believe in fairytales and magic.

you are my only audience. with you, i can sing my heart [and lungs] out and even if i miss a note, you wouldn't mind. when you're around, i can be witty and i love the way you laugh or smirk or roll your eyes at my cornball jokes. your laugh is contagious. with you, i can love like there's no tomorrow; as if there's no such thing as pain... as if i won't ever hurt.

we're perfect for each other. you and i both think so but it's never going to happen. because i still have to wake up. because i still have to exist. because you and i are not real.

i love you even before i knew you existed. i love you. still and for always. i choose to love you despite the craziness of it. i choose to love you when you go bad. i choose to love you even in oblivion. when will we see each other again?

perhaps never. or when you start living in this lifetime.

boo-hoo

i miss encantadia.

i miss baguio.

boo-hoo.

ano bur, dibur?

I feel like a corporate brat. I never applied for a job and yet here I am, busily typing away at a work station. And this isn’t even my own. Last week, I used the CEO’s desk and personal computer. That felt so surreal. It was fun swiveling around in the nicest chair in the office, writing, or checking my mail every now and then or playing solitaire or free cell or Barbie. Then this week, I decided that playing CEO is too much and I transferred myself to another station. Fortunately, the person whose computer I am using is on leave and I have free access to her unit. Desk and all [and oh, her computer is DSL connected, yey me!].

I don’t have a schedule. I don’t even have a time card. My resume is not required [but I chose to submit one anyway]. I can leave the office any time. Come here anytime [but work ethics tells me that I should at least come early]. I revise my work only when they tell me to and that after so many days. I think this is freelance but I’m told to come to the office everyday. I like coming here because they have DSL. I’m cool with the set up.

What my job description is, I dun no. All I know is that I write and moonlight at events. And check my mail. And uphold beauty. And play solitaire. And pester my bosses every now and then.

At least I get to wear heels and feel mature- like a working girl. And I don’t have to don a uniform. Someday, I hope. Green is the new black diba? Hehe.

spell desperation

i seriously want to be a celebrity. as in really, really want to be one. for so many reasons, mundane and profound and crazy and sincere. i want to be seen on that blasted tv screen.

enter pinoy big brother. nyeh. i've always thought it was beneath me to go for it. i'm mayabang like that. i feel like i could do so much better than being kuya's clown. hehe. i'm too much of a drama queen anyway. i don't think i'd last a day. sooo... why am i suddenly noting down the audition schedules and why am i planning on a new image and what's the deal with me thinking of a tagline, duh diba? eto pa malala, i'm mapping out a plan to make pbb fit my life projections for the year. puh-thetique.

while nothing is concrete yet, this is my plan.

:: audition in baguio and project an urban chic/ukay freak coolness.
:: audition in manila and project an urban chic/ukay freak/conio/jologs coolness.
:: image: santa, mabait, humil, kenkoy, psychic.
:: talents: stand up comedy na ako lang nakakgets sa mga hirit ko pero tatawa sila kasi i'm super charming.
:: under the iceberg image: back stabber pero sweet kaya nilalaglag ko na sila, hindi pa nila alam.

tas dapat ako unang maeevict. no tears. all laughs. tas rakrakan kasi nakita na ako sa tv sa wakas.
yeahboi!

oh diba, pwede na. pero wait lang tikbalang, pano nako magaaply sa cnn nyan?

loving till it hurts and other musings by the byutipul me

hindi mo ako pinatulog kagabi. nakakainis ka.
pero mahal kita. dahil mahal kita.
nakatulog ka kaya? sana'y mahimbing.

thyet. cheesy to the nth level. nasasapian na naman ako ng kung anong epidemyng hindi ko mawari. whatever.

anyway highway,i'm super excited to go up the mountains again. balik baguio na ako. kaya buh-bye metro manila. to your icky smog. to your humid air. to your dirty pavement.

pero bat kapag nasa baguio ako, hinahanap-hanap kita? [insert manila, manila, i keep coming back to manila...yeahyeahyeah]

mga jeepney mong nagliliparan, mga katulad kong naggagandahan... grabeng personhood ito!

the XALAI'S guide to impeccable vocabulary.
humil- being mababa.
ex. "Ay how sweet. he's so humil. hindi siya mayabang!"
humbility- the act of being humil. also referred to as humbleness.
ex. "alam niyo kailangan niyo ng humbility para hindi kayo kinatatakutan."
assumptionist- a person assuming to much.
ex. "Masyado ka namang assumptionist, eh iba naman ang crush niya."
feeler- a person who thinks he or she feels it all.
ex. "Ang feeler mo naman. wala yang gusto sa iyo, noh."
feelership- the fellowship of feeler people.
prettyful- me
nocturnality- a nationality distinct to night persons.
may i- [ano ba? ewan]
ganacity- a term coined by a screaming fag named nash whcih means, gana.
ex. "Stop bothering me. You're distrupting my ganacity sa pagsusulat ng paper! vova!"
vova- a term yet again coined by the screaming fag mentioned above, meaning engot.

DISCLAIMER: i mean screaming fag in the nicest possible way. if i call you that, i like you. i'm not homophobic [sometimes] so it's not meant to be offensive.

waking up to palawan cherry blossoms

my room mates laugh at my "abnormally long hours of sleep." i really can't blame them because, duh, sleeping is a talent i am proud of. i can sleep anywhere, through anything. one time, i lay down on the grass while my groupmates are shooting and the next thing i knew, i was asleep. they had to wake me up and it's super embarassing. at ang kati kati ng damo. grah.

i can sleep the whole day [try an intensity 9 earthquake, i'd still be snoozing] and i choose sleep over anything. well, maybe except food or great talk. i do declare, i'm a rip van winkle incarnate. hehe.

because i sleep half of my life, i need to have a reason to wake up. and rare reasons are they. i like seeing the sun in the morning. the day doesn't start until sunrise. without the sun, i don't get up. so when a storm is up, it takes me effort and a strong will before getting up.

in my new room, my bed is near the window [yey! i have windows] and i see the palawan cherry blossoms outside. i like waking up to pinks, yellows, blues and greens that only a bright, sunshiney morning can bring. [hallmark ba ito?] but the cherry blossoms are now out of season, so yeah... blah.

i also need to smell brewed coffee. my lola is the ultimate caffeine addict and a day isn't complete without coffee. i take a lot after her. i love the smell of freshly brewed beans [especially the benguet kind i bring home]. she brews them, i wake up.

ponkan on christmas day also gets me up and about! it's the generic christmas smell in our house. i get a feeling that it will be a citrussy day when i smell ponkan, why waste it in bed?

oh. one reason for waking up even when i can sleep all day anyway is... the thought of seeing prospects or hearing fom them or whatever. yeah. boy crazy? fwede. it's way funner than dreaming about them. on most days, if you catcheth my driftage.

and i need to smile when i wake up. so if i get a rude awakening, i promise to get on your nerves for the rest of the day.

and the best reason for waking up is... Jesus. because He rocketh like whoa. and duh, tis the day that the Lord hath made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. [hurray for sunday school!]

wag niyo namang gasgasin

ang dami kong nababasang mga, itago na lang natin sa katawagang, "impormasyon", at nakakainis dahil sa palagay ko ay gasgas na gasgas na salitang gorgeous. kung gorgeous ka, hindi na kailangang nakakabit yun sa pangalan mo. masasabi n alang yan ng mga tao dahil, well, it's screaming obvious. kaya feeling ko, eh redundant na ikabit pa yun sa pangalan kung totoo man iyon. at kung kakabit man, hindi ikaw ang maglalagay. sila. you just got to own it, gurlfriend!

at isa pang nakakainis sa gasgas eh yung mga trite ekspresyon na ang pangit pangit naman pakinggan sa tenga na tila baga mga salitang inggles na pinagsamasama ng walang taste. example: most often than not. kung hindi mo napapansin ang mali dun, eh wag mo kong kausapin; malamang hindi tayo magkakaintindihan. mapapatawad ko pa ang mga sablay na preposition, pero naman, kung common expression tas sablay pa, eh iha, magtagalog ka na lang.

tas eto pa, alam niyo ba na ang mga kababaihan sa UPbaguio ay a) mabait, b)matalino, c) maganda. kung hindi man yan, eh, "there's more to than what meets the eye" [pag hindi niyo pa rin napuna ang mali, grah] o kaya naman napagkakamalng masungit pero friendly naman talaga. o kaya hindi maarte/maingay o mababaw.

teka lang, tikbalang, e sino bang may sabi na pag maarte e otomatically mababaw? o kaya pag maingay, ganon din? hindi ba nila alam ang kasabihang, ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim; ang ilog na maingay,may naglalaba. actually, wala naman akong point eh. ikaw, meron? share mo naman oh.

hindi na ako iinom ng cough syrup. tunay ngang hindi mabuti ang epekto nito sa mga taong walang ubo.

landing. . .

when you get your head up in the clouds, it's really difficult to land. so i'ma stay up here all day.

call me? hahaha.

can i have your name please?

you know what's weird? my name.

it's hard to pronounce and... spell?

when i go to any place where they get your name for order call-outs, i say, "KAI" then spell it out and say, "X-A-I" and then they smile at me and scribble letters on stuff. so i wait patiently for my order [i'm not very big on patience, so believe me, it takes a lot of effort], and try to amuse myself by watching people pull off a conio accent while ordering [what is that, diba?] or foreigners picking up girls in high school uniforms [haha. san ba kasi ako nagpupupunta?] and kewl people kewl enough to be where i am [yeah. i'm cool like that]. so i wait... and wait... and suddenly i hear, "rhumba frappe for ms. kay" who is that? i figure it could be mine so i go up and yeah, it is.

i usually get ticked off when people mispronounce my name especially when i tell them how to pronounce and spell it in the first place. but i'm forgiving. [right] if it isn't bad enough that i get my order a little later because i couldn't hear my name right, counter people give me a variety of nicknames. there's kay, sai, say, xi, hai [how that happened, i dunno], key... and i don't know what else they'll come up with. [whee! looking forward!]

so i figured, maybe, i have speech impediment and they can't hear me properly [but, duh, i spell it out for them]or they're so starstruck they couldn't process information because they are awed at my presence. hehe.

this is why i want to be a celebrity. then people would know my name is xai [pronounced /kai/] and they would address me properly. actually, sanggre would do but only a few people catch on.

sanggre xai is better. leran it. live it. love it. ribbit. ribbit. urp.

nag-iisip pa kaya siya?

i was riding the jeepney home and four street kids got inside and started wiping our shoes and asking for alms. they were running barefooted and wearing tattered clothes. they were also playing patintero with the cars and, gulp, trucks. this wasn't the first time i saw this scene but somehow it got me thinking: does our president ever see this? duh, i mean syempre it's not like she rides jeepneys noh pero when she passes by the slum areas [if she ever does], does she ever think about them? really think about them? or even care? or does she zoom past them with all her PSGs leading the way and not even thinking about these kids? i hope she does. but if she does, well, what is she doing about it? someday, i will talk to the president.

xalai: so Madame President, what are you doing about the poverty situation of the country?
President: well, xalai, i fix the economy first then we all move forward. if only detractors stop meddling. buy hey, look, the peso is doing well.
xalai: when you see street children what do you do? concretely?
President: i pray for them and do something about the economy so in the long run they will stop being poor.
xalai: but, don't you, like, get down from your car and talk to them and give them food or clothes?
President: well, as much as i'd love to do that, i'm a busy woman and have plenty other errands to attend to. the social work department can take care of that.
xalai: oh.
xalai: ma'am tell me, is the economy fine?
President: yes. it's doing a lot better than the past years. the peso is getting back...
xalai: but are the people really doing better, ma'am
President: well..
xalai: i'm no economist ma'am but the value of the peso is not the only indicator of a good economy, is it?
President: you see...
xalai: and if the economy is fine, why is the standard of living still not better for the masses?
President: you don't know what you're talking about.
xalai: maybe i don't but i feel its repercussions. so if i don't know anything, what do you know? good day ma'am.

then do a karate chop and assume presidency.

if only it were that easy.

talaga lang

i watched the gospel of judas last night on national geo.

as usual, the docu treatment was okay but i don't see the point.

if judas really wrote that gospel and if it was really genuine [like they claimed], i don't see why it should be included in the Bible. its description of Jesus was uncharacteristic and a complete mockery of how scriptures described God. if there's anything fascinating about the Bible it is its coherence in thought and content. imagine so many writers with different styles, different contexts and different perceptions, separated by language, 4000+ years and vast lands write about something similar. that can never be conspiracy; there was no yahoo messenger back then.

the gospel of judas also says nothing about the crucifixion and ressurection so anti-church people say that these events are a hoax. but how can judas write about it when he committed suicide right after betraying Jesus? [just a thought] and there are also a load of information "hidden" and "screened" by the church.

another point in the documentary claims that early church fathers did not include this gospel because they were trying to "hide" the fact that there had been other groups of "christians" practicing "christianity." so naturally, they wanted to keep "christianity" all to themselves. if this had been the case and there were indeed other forms of "christianity" that died away, then that says a lot about the kind of "christian sect" they had. it didn't last so there must be something wrong with it. and it's not an excuse to say that it was the church fathers' fault that they were suppressed. many world religions have been suppressed in the past and i still can see them now. so yeah. something's really wrong with the picture.

because of all these "gnostic gospels" people might think that the Bible we have now is far from authentic. but if we can't trust God enough to preserve scripture over all these years, what can we trust Him with? isn't the Bible His revealed word? i think we have all we need to know. we just want to know more.

humans are naturally curious. and sin aggravates the matter. but, well, yeah, we are entitled to ask. so what do we do about it now?

*sigh*

he said i was smart and articulate.

how could he have known? i'm too distracted when he's around and morph into a ditz. "like, ohmigosh! that is soooo super kewl like ye wouldn't know." and in class, i don't say anything. and if i said something, i bet it didn't have substance. heck. philo kaya yun. and if i had said anything that is in any way close to what a highly developed homo sapien sapien would say it couldn't have been smart. i'm smart when i think. in his class, i don't think. i oggle. and daydream. and salivate.

articulate? where did he get that? does saying, "oh, that's stupid" all the time count? how is that remotely articulate? when i'm comfortable or when i'm with my friends, that's when i'm articulate. in my skin, i love to talk about everything. when i know he's within ten feet, i become jelly. i turn into a mindless barbie-wannabe.

so i think he spies on me.

convince yourself, xai, convince yourself.

:::::::(",):::::::
when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mermaid. but i never really learned how to swim until recently. now, i think i'm too old to grow fins magically. or grow my black hair up to the waist [my hair just seemed to stop growing altogether]. or sing as beautifully as sirens. [oh,i can turn into a siren, a 'wang wang' siren].

i saw mermaidia [sequel to barbie's fairytopia] and got super inggit that barbie became a mermaid. she had pink fins and pink jewelries and pink eyeshadow. [now i'm beginning to remember why i hate pink.] barbie this, barbie that. she turns into a mermaid, blah, blah, blah.

i'm gonna be a mermaid one day. or an octopus.

Graduation Speech

by Xaris Hope P. Tamayo, summa cum loudest

[ehem. is this thing on?] [feedback]

Chancellor [chancy, whaddup?], distinguished guests [yo mah man, howdy?],members of the faculty [love yah babe], graduating class of 2006, and [is that the president? hey you, yeah, howdy biznatch!] our families and friends, good day to all of us.

not too long ago, i was lost in the halls of this academe, wondering where TBA is and bitching my way because i was insecure and fresh out of high school. so expect newbies to be insipid or cocky. i chose to be cocky. and then i saw him. he had the most wonderful smile, physique... [oh wait. this is a grad/inspiring speech]. okay.

after that, i don't really remember much.

so anyway, school is...

school is...

uh...

school is okay as long as your teachers don't deliberately mess your grades just because she/he/it thinks you're not good enough. never let anyone make you feel less than who you are just because she/he/it did not pass the bar exams. [yeah!] so school's great because it prepares you for life ahead but you'll never really learn until you get out there in the real world. so if you want to get to the real world and fast, get out of school. there are two ways to do that: drop out or graduate. i chose to graduate because the past four years really helped me grow spiritually, economically, physically, emotionally and all that jazz. plus if i had dropped out, i wouldn't get to see the hottest, cutest and most adorable... [grad speech, grad speech].

so there.

most people would go ballistic when they don't graduate with honors. let me tell you something. go ballistic! then calm down and realize that graduating from UP is an achievement in itself. honors are but bonuses.

or do what i did. make up your own award. like, best in international costume or best in hair and make up or best in jumping up and down, screaming like hell in the school halls award. that kind of thing. if that makes you feel any better, then go. and the best part is, it's uniquely you. or make yourself a title like, dakilang oportunista or the amazing dweeb. anything is fine. then commission your yearbook staff to include those awards and titles. [it only costs php1500 *winks*]

oh yeah. we also have to be grateful to the forces behind our success. and if you still think that God does not exist, you're being stupid and arrogant soshutupokthanks. i will forevermore speak of God's grace because that is what has kept me alive and kicking. if it's not, i don't want is.

then there are also our parents we have to thank. they gave so much and the least we can do is give them a hug and kiss. believe you me, they like that. an occasional "i love you" wouldn't hurt, so give em that as well.

of course, we also have to thank our friends and teachers. yeah even those "friends" who did not stick. after all, they contributed to the kind of person you have become. thank also the teachers who think they're gods. then prove your point and hire them someday. [bwahahahahaha!] oh. forgive them. [convince yourself, xai].

i believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way. show them all the beauty they possess inside. close my eyes. let the whole world pass me by. there is no time to waste asking why. dear kim, kamustang bakasyon mo? let me know if i'm doing this right, let me know if my grips too tight let me know if i could stay all of my life. should i stay or should i go-oh?

let's make this nation a better place to live in. for our children. for our grandchildren... [let us annihilate all the kadiri good for nothing trapos who lie, cheat, steal, and lie some more!!!]

let us go out there and stop making excuses. [if you can't do it, teach it at least]. let us all become socially aware and run for congress. ehehe.

let us make a difference. let us learn to love God above all then our fellow citizens. let us start now! [by making kuyug that stooopeed, short, and selfish brat/loser/cheater/liar aka the president]

i thank you. bow.

my very own moments of love

for some reason, even when the plot is contrived and predictable, i seriously enjoyed and cried over moments of love. i loved its simplicity and the texture of the cinematography. kinda in-lovish. and so, i watched the movie by myself [i get a kick from watching movies on my own], cried, commented, laughed, booed, sighed [dang, i must be a schizo!] and felt that overly warm and fuzzy feeling, the kind you get from eating ice cream and fudge on a hot, summer day [like today]. fell in love with the movie, that's what i did.

i really think i was born in the wrong century. i concede to the idea that i won't find the "kabiyak ng aking kaluluwa" in this lifetime. [not that i believe in reincarnation or something] here's why i say that is:

:: i still buy chivalry despite the woman empowerment thing going on. and it's the ancient chivalry i've always imagined. as in horse back, ridiculous jackets on warm days, riding boots, bows and curtsies. opening doors, addressing ladies respectfully, offering a hand to whoever, that sorta thing.

:: i have an old soul. i like ancient things. as ancient as gaelic. i love the old days [or at least how they depict in movies and books].

:: and guys in this lifetime are probably taken or gay. or both. nuff said.

i do declare, i shall be forevermore alone but not lonely. forever wondering how the wind can blow me kisses of time past. hopelessly blowing kisses back. and thinking what the hell is wrong with this picture.

yep. i was born in the wrong century. and my moments of love exists [or existed] in the fifteenth century... europe. so there is no way, i'll be finding him now. darn.

blame it on the weatherman

while my friends are out getting jobs and soul searching, i stay home, sweating like hell in humid, icky manila, trying to reincarnate my love for writing. i start blogs then leave them to rot. baad, xai, bad.

in a matter of days, i'll be officially adding to the unemployment rate. i'm not really thinking what i'll do after graduation. what the heck. i'm on a break. why would i want to think about jobs just when i had barely gotten out of school? and so, while i'm preoccupied with, uh, nothingness, i will write and complain and diss people/things who/that come to mind.

starting with... me! [spell self-absorbed]

what is with me lately? i sleep, i eat, watch some tv, cinemaone marathoning for two days, read a short novel that i can't seem to finish, daydream, sleep, bang my head, sleep some more, eat some more... what is THAT? so i start scheming crazy things like walk down UP diliman and go on a street food fest or walk down the block to 70s bistro and check out who's playing or go up to baguio and stalk my favorite people. which are bad plans considering i don't like walking, sweating [in this humidity? ack, no!] or moving a muscle. so then i decided to finally start ljing. and now, i think i won't be able to update anything until, i dunno, doomsday, or when i start being more bored; whichever comes first.

so yeah, i'll rant and rant and rant. or write a novel. hah. life.

to diss or not to diss. that is the question. until the next humid, icky manila -feeling day. toodles!