Graduation Speech

by Xaris Hope P. Tamayo, summa cum loudest

[ehem. is this thing on?] [feedback]

Chancellor [chancy, whaddup?], distinguished guests [yo mah man, howdy?],members of the faculty [love yah babe], graduating class of 2006, and [is that the president? hey you, yeah, howdy biznatch!] our families and friends, good day to all of us.

not too long ago, i was lost in the halls of this academe, wondering where TBA is and bitching my way because i was insecure and fresh out of high school. so expect newbies to be insipid or cocky. i chose to be cocky. and then i saw him. he had the most wonderful smile, physique... [oh wait. this is a grad/inspiring speech]. okay.

after that, i don't really remember much.

so anyway, school is...

school is...

uh...

school is okay as long as your teachers don't deliberately mess your grades just because she/he/it thinks you're not good enough. never let anyone make you feel less than who you are just because she/he/it did not pass the bar exams. [yeah!] so school's great because it prepares you for life ahead but you'll never really learn until you get out there in the real world. so if you want to get to the real world and fast, get out of school. there are two ways to do that: drop out or graduate. i chose to graduate because the past four years really helped me grow spiritually, economically, physically, emotionally and all that jazz. plus if i had dropped out, i wouldn't get to see the hottest, cutest and most adorable... [grad speech, grad speech].

so there.

most people would go ballistic when they don't graduate with honors. let me tell you something. go ballistic! then calm down and realize that graduating from UP is an achievement in itself. honors are but bonuses.

or do what i did. make up your own award. like, best in international costume or best in hair and make up or best in jumping up and down, screaming like hell in the school halls award. that kind of thing. if that makes you feel any better, then go. and the best part is, it's uniquely you. or make yourself a title like, dakilang oportunista or the amazing dweeb. anything is fine. then commission your yearbook staff to include those awards and titles. [it only costs php1500 *winks*]

oh yeah. we also have to be grateful to the forces behind our success. and if you still think that God does not exist, you're being stupid and arrogant soshutupokthanks. i will forevermore speak of God's grace because that is what has kept me alive and kicking. if it's not, i don't want is.

then there are also our parents we have to thank. they gave so much and the least we can do is give them a hug and kiss. believe you me, they like that. an occasional "i love you" wouldn't hurt, so give em that as well.

of course, we also have to thank our friends and teachers. yeah even those "friends" who did not stick. after all, they contributed to the kind of person you have become. thank also the teachers who think they're gods. then prove your point and hire them someday. [bwahahahahaha!] oh. forgive them. [convince yourself, xai].

i believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way. show them all the beauty they possess inside. close my eyes. let the whole world pass me by. there is no time to waste asking why. dear kim, kamustang bakasyon mo? let me know if i'm doing this right, let me know if my grips too tight let me know if i could stay all of my life. should i stay or should i go-oh?

let's make this nation a better place to live in. for our children. for our grandchildren... [let us annihilate all the kadiri good for nothing trapos who lie, cheat, steal, and lie some more!!!]

let us go out there and stop making excuses. [if you can't do it, teach it at least]. let us all become socially aware and run for congress. ehehe.

let us make a difference. let us learn to love God above all then our fellow citizens. let us start now! [by making kuyug that stooopeed, short, and selfish brat/loser/cheater/liar aka the president]

i thank you. bow.