*sigh*

he said i was smart and articulate.

how could he have known? i'm too distracted when he's around and morph into a ditz. "like, ohmigosh! that is soooo super kewl like ye wouldn't know." and in class, i don't say anything. and if i said something, i bet it didn't have substance. heck. philo kaya yun. and if i had said anything that is in any way close to what a highly developed homo sapien sapien would say it couldn't have been smart. i'm smart when i think. in his class, i don't think. i oggle. and daydream. and salivate.

articulate? where did he get that? does saying, "oh, that's stupid" all the time count? how is that remotely articulate? when i'm comfortable or when i'm with my friends, that's when i'm articulate. in my skin, i love to talk about everything. when i know he's within ten feet, i become jelly. i turn into a mindless barbie-wannabe.

so i think he spies on me.

convince yourself, xai, convince yourself.

:::::::(",):::::::
when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mermaid. but i never really learned how to swim until recently. now, i think i'm too old to grow fins magically. or grow my black hair up to the waist [my hair just seemed to stop growing altogether]. or sing as beautifully as sirens. [oh,i can turn into a siren, a 'wang wang' siren].

i saw mermaidia [sequel to barbie's fairytopia] and got super inggit that barbie became a mermaid. she had pink fins and pink jewelries and pink eyeshadow. [now i'm beginning to remember why i hate pink.] barbie this, barbie that. she turns into a mermaid, blah, blah, blah.

i'm gonna be a mermaid one day. or an octopus.