because i was tagged

Each player of this game starts off by making a weblog post, listing ten(10) weird things/habits or little known facts about himself/herself, then tagging six (6) other bloggers to do the same. no tag backs.

okay here goes...
1. i used to play basketball and wanted to be a pro. i was really young then, prolly around seven or eight. when all my peers opted to play with dolls, i shot hoops with my kuya on a self-made basketball ring. and then i thought i'd become really good and join wnba someday. but i turned gay and decided that my basketball dreams will have to take the side lines because it's way funner watching the guys play.

2. i thought that toys actually move when i turn out the lights and go to bed. i was obsessed to prove that i was right, i put in all my toys around my bed [so they wake me up when they want to play] but found them neatly on the shelves when morning came. i thought that that proved my theory only to find out that my brother hates what i'm doing so he packs all my toys as soon as i doze off.

3. i put mayo in corned beef and adobo. it's yummy, i swear!

4. i like to scratch anything itchy and make it bleed so i would stop scratching.

5. when i was ten or nine, i had this notebook where i wrote short stories and made my own illustrations. i thought i'd publish it one day until i can't remember where i put it. i was so shattered i never wanted to write a storybook again.

6. no matter how much i deny it, i think fairy tales are the best invention for cure of boredom. i love fairy tales... every other day. that's why i love love disney, they make everything magical.

7. stalking is the best past time in the world. when i was in high school, i could fill out a whole slum book about my crush without me ever having to talk to him. i guess the habit grew on me because until college i found so many interesting things about my "prospect of the month," being fed with necessary, volunteered information.  yes,

sinabsolution

, hello! :)

8. before the gay, kikay interior i now have, i was into a lot of, erm, "dark" things [but not fully gothic, that's too much for me] like heavy metal music, grunge rock, a lot of black, silver bling blings, messy, unkempt dos. luckily i never had suicidal tendencies, i just dabbled into a lot of morbid and creepy things. before emo was, i am. hehe.

9. i am a big fan of greek... everything! from literature to culture to geography to food to language to greek men, hehe. i haven't really gotten around to studying more about it, but when i do, that would be one big dream checked off my list.

10. contrary to popular belief, i am not friendly. i don't make friends easily and as much as possible i refuse to take the initiative. if i really, really like someone to be my friend, i don't approach that person. i make sure someone else introduces us first. but i'm a keeper. if i have made a friend, it's for keeps in its truest sense.

now i'm tagging... *drum roll*

rominaiza

,

sinister_vision

,

hellobebe

,

orange_stardust

, pie and jiar.

because this is what doting fans do

yeahbah my oh-so-favorite

hellobebe

for this video with my oh-so-favorite

pinggoy

in the world. iamsuchafanthankyoubow.

click me!
or not...hmmm, wonder watisap.

funny how they should be portraying the sordid tale that is my lurvelife [or lack of it thereof]... oo na, given i wasn't really the inspiration for this pero bakit ba gusto ko magdrama eh. ganun talaga pag may mga heart shwarla, kala mo lahat ng bagay eh patama sayo. huwag nang umangal. moment to ng mga favorites ko. nyahahaha.

i don't like callalily, for the record. yun lang. bow.

i love love thursday!

charing!

chirang!

yehey, finally after ten billion years, i shall show you my baguio, erm, escapade [using that word gives me the creeps, dunno why].

see? me and pine tree almost equals baguio. and and and, i get to wear pink and bandannas and layered clothes... it's not something you can do on a daily basis in hot hot manila so this is such a relief for me.

i went to klite right after i "parked" my stuff at home [yeah, i have a home in baguio, how cool is that?] and found the reason why i need to stay in for good, haha. meet hadi. the seventeen-year-old half-arabian, half-egyptian, half-filipino [yes, he's "three halves" haha, that kid's so adorable.] he's training for interactive, great timing i had, huh. bad trip ngay coz he called me "ate xaris!" rawr. ayos ba yun? plus he's such a bubbly, charming dude who is "humerous" [give him a break, he's still a kid]... and erm, spelling-challenged [thanks jerry, for pointing that out].

meet my love. choco-vanilla affair at volante's is LURVE. i can't do it justice if i start describing how this dessert satiates the palate with a mix of hot and cold gastronomic delight. nyeh. i had two in less than a two-hour interval. rawr. volante is love [diba diba?] i didn't mind having to wait for a seat since it was jampacked when we got there. [sabi sanyo, marami talagang tao sa session, kadiri, haha.]

welcome to john hay! i was on tourist mode and i just had to john hay myself. oh rawr, barok.
i guess it's one of those places i've never really bothered to go to except for random picnics with my friends or if stalking required me to be there, nyahahaha. but chyeah, it welcomed me just the same. lookie pine trees!

and there's burnham lake. yuckie i know. but i found out that the lake is only three feet deep 

so it isn't too deadly. what would kill you if the boat would capsize is the, erm, not nice things that can be found down under. congratulate me, i didn't scream... much. and there were these tourists who bumped into our boat [expertly driven by manong togs, hehe] and this girl from the other boat was all, "oh my gad [sabay irap]" in a tacky bonnet and tacky clothes. so i go, "eew, jologs. and it's not oh my gad, it's oh my gawd." erm, i just had to tell you.

well... i have a lot more pictures here, so go on ahead and take a look. don't forget to comment or leave insults [coz i pretty much do that to other accounts, nyahaha]. tara na byahe tayo!

last day, boohoo

flames to dust... lovers to friends... why do all good things come to an end? -nellie furtado

the station that sounds, erm, looks like no other

welcome to k-lite in bloom. i dropped in late with carmela, uh, i was nervous. yeah like you'd better believe it.

it was so kewld mehn. meet my crush. hehe.

turista!

yaan mo na.

the return of the comeback.

these people are love. my family in baguio who embraced me and loved my kakikayan and kaartehang very hard. who call me ate xai and text k-lite's textline to announce inanities and hear me plug it. yup.

kids who ransack our home to spend the night knowing that we can be bribed with food and talk.

someday soon, i'll earn a living through blogging

snagged form

sinabsolution

.

Leave a comment here and I'll...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with a song / movie.
3. Tell a random fact about you.
4. Tell a first memory about you.
5. Associate you with an animal / fruit.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. In return, you must post this in your own LJ.

::::::: (",) :::::::
i am currently addicted to happyslip! i want to do what she does but i'm afraid i'd be too shy and i have everything against stealing concepts. call it plagiarism memo [the half sheets they pass around every semester] overdose. if there's anything i learned in school, that would be it.

her sketches are so funny i can't stop quoting her. "eew, speanuts, eew."  i absolutely love her humor. plus she's so pretty. and really talented.

sunday swingin'

just how much longer can i hold on to being idealistic? and how much "bragging rights" have i taken out of my four years stay at the country's premiere state university? how long can i resist being lured [or duped] into getting aboard the call center wagon?

why i think i want it:
1. it pays big time.
2. i think i would fit in.
3. did i mention it pays big time?

why i know i don't want it:
1. because i did not slave away for a communications diploma to be insulted by irate callers.
2. because the country did not pay for my tuition just so i can amass great wealth for myself.
3. because i hate graveyard shifts.
4. because i don't want to do what everyone else is doing.
5. because i'm too scared of people. hah?
6. because i hate americans. hehe, biro lang.
7. because i'm too mayabang for my own good.
8. because i said i'd never be caught dead working for one. *gulp*
9. because i said i'd never work for money.

but but but it pays big time!

i have lost it. it's not that i have anything against working in that kind of atmosphere. my problem is that i want to work in a call center because i want instant gratification translated to oodles and oodles of moolah. it's a sad day when i decide to throw away everything i've believed in just for money. i guess this is rooted from calculating without God. He promised he'd provide but selfish me needs to get things her way.

one can never have enough. and if i suddenly turn to call centers to satisfy my want for moolah, then i would know that i have been eaten by the system governing the world. and it's something i've tried to avoid as long as i can remember.  the whole point of my wanting to be different will be completely meaningless if this day comes. my whole existence will be utterly pointless because that meant i threw God's sovereignty in my life out the window.

and that's a lot scarier than being poor.

::::::: (",) ::::::::
i had this massive crush on a guy when i was in high school. like really big. and for some reason, i dreamed about him in full length, meaning, there was a clear plot in my reverie and a smooth flow of transitions and scenes. i must have napped for about five hours.

the strange thing is that i haven't thought about the guy for the longest time. hullo, high school was a lifetime ago. but every time i dream of him, it happens on the same setting: the high school gym. and then he always comes up to me and i always, always found insults to throw at him. the dream me always shuts up after the insult then the dream sequence ends.but this time, we actually had a meaningful conversation. and it was so real i woke up smiling.

maybe a part of me still has not gotten over my crush. i guess he's one of the good things that happened to me in high school. and he will never know. [haha cheesy cliche, yes.]
happy week one and all!

ohyou'dbetterbelieveiwanttosavethempoorpolarbears

this is my plan for the week [since it's the v-week and all that jazz]:

1. read love stories [you know the sweet valley kinds of no-brainer american teen romance pocket books] and load up on chick lits.

2. stock our refrigirator with loads of ice cream reserved only for moi.

3. make cards for my family and friends with a save the polar bears campaign [i am so not done with it].

4. volunteer for a charity thing so i can spread the love in a different way.

5. set the world record for the lovapaloozer 2007 [oh, i think i already did this].

6. send love letters to all my ex crushes. oh wait, that's a bit impossible considering i have ten billion ex crushes.

7. convince my friends to send me a "secret admirer" bouquet of stargazers.

8. hate cupid more.

9. ask my girl friends for a night out [that is if they're not planning anything special for the night].

10. pester my dada to take me out for dinner because i'm sure momsy thinks it all too cheesy. haha. or ask any member of my family out to dinner or make them dinner or eat all their dinner hahahaha.

11. or practice shooting with them airsoft peeps and accidentally-on-purpose shoot the cutest unattached dude within range.

what do you suggest?

whatgivesyoutheideathati'mabitteroldhagjustbecauseihatevalentines?

Tick tock to Valentines Day is five more days. All I have is five more days of finding me that eternally elusive prince charming. I do declare, prince charming is gay!

Call me the valentine scrooge. Bah humbug all the lovey dovey shiz. A few more years of this, I might become the valentine grinch and I will steal all the heartsy fartsy red letter, cupid, flowery hullabaloo that valentines is. Thank my lucky stars, I have more compassion than bitterness. Oh please believe it.

I have nothing against v-day. I do have everything against making it a singles-awareness day. Christmas, you can always spend with family and friends so nobody really can say they are lonely. Birthdays, ditto. But v-day? If you’re unattached, you either spend it alone, with other single friends or… mostly alone. I have everything against people who use this day to commercialize romance and love. What the heck is the deal with lovapalooza plus all the valentine concerts that lovebirds use as an excuse to get together? Doing this leaves out the unpaired, absolutely wonderful people. *raises hand like an eager grade school kid* Rawr.

And like what Myka [my sister’s friend] says, all the warmth and heat of Valentines Day can cause dire effects on the planet. Read: global warming. Polar ice caps shall go a-melting and imagine the aftermath of that. “Save the polar bears!”

Why am I bothering to do this? Because.

Let me be the first to extend warm greetings from the heart for February 14… Save the Polar bears!

eugene's fans club 2007

cupcake, applepie and lollipop make great sweets and treats. hurray for the years! :)

because i miss this

This is a bad combination: a full moon and me on PMS [duhr, it stands for post girl thing]. Just imagine how highly unstable I am these days. Lunatic and hormonal. Oh yeah, it’s to die for. My weirdness scale has tipped considerably towards the danger zone that I can hear warning sirens on my head.

::::::: (",) :::::::

I have been waiting for Deal or no Deal to contact me. I want to join that blasted money contest primarily because I want to be seen on TV. And sure, take home big money. And I mean BIG money. Something tells me I will win millions. Haha.

::::::: (",) :::::::

Lately, I find myself engaged in conversations with random, unsuspecting people. Like the manong jeepney driver who told me sob stories about his family. He sends his eldest child to college and two more kids to high school. And his only means of income is jeepney driving. He then lamented on how crudo is too expensive and how the LRT killed his business and how extremely unjust it is that he has to meet a boundary and all that’s left of him is a measly two hundred bucks which he has to split for his kids’ allowance and meals for a day. And that sweet manong, bless his soul, did not want me to pay my fare because “gagarahe na [siya], daan na lang [ako] sa pwede [kong] sakayan.”

Indeed, count your blessings. My thoughts on that on another day. 

And when I hear stories from other people I have come to know or talk with, parang pang-Maalaala Mo Kaya. And then I think about how blessed I am even when my life is not perfect. I mean, my only hang up is how to be a star while the rest of the world is struggling to live and make a living.

I always tell myself that I want to be famous para makatulong sa mahihirap [it’s nicer in tagalong. at oo yan talaga ang dahilan]. And today, I have never been more sure that I really, truly, madly, deeply want that.

GTreat!

even GT's need a break. why ba?

ishma burthday 2006

i turned twenny one, it's my debut, so we had to partay! :)

my last breha open house

open house= everyone gets to see your dorm room and you make them believe that you are the neatest person on the planet. i'm so glad it lasts only a day.

random camwhoring

there are days when you have to do this.

it started with a couch

tita vilma [the coolest adult ever] always puts on OT hours. with an office like this, ah eh, wala nang uwi uwi.

sbc@33

happy thirty three! :) i love this family of God.

any day with these weird people aka my family

dia is my sister who was a japanese in her past life hence grad dinner in saisaki.

meet the gang.
oh yeah, we're related. hehe.

last production na ito

and this is not even for a major broadcasting subject.
go polsci major wannabes.
at pansinin niyo, ni walang kuha ng equipment. ayos ba yun?

i.v.c.f.

sana nakikinig sila sa corporation report

mga random get togethers in the most unexpected places.

joy club cum builders cum anubi tutubi

ransack the versoza's residence while mum and dad are away! hurray!

new year 2007

better than the pyrolympics... almost. :)

wedding bells

what happens if an unstable, unusually psychotic, NBSB kid works at a bridal supplier?

all hell breaks loose. hehe.

working here gives me more time to plan for my wedding. hah. better plan now than panic later, i always say. and hey, it's not like i have tons of things to do. pfft.

and i just realized... all my wedding dreams [from invites to ceremony] are bordering on weird and weirder. is it my fault i'm not a fan of convention? it's not as if it's illegal to fly eagles instead of doves at the reception. or make the minister dress up like gandalf. or wear a purple hispanic veil. or walk down the aisle with a superman/lotr theme song. diba? diba? it's never wrong to add twists on that one important day in [my] life.
could this be exactly why i am staying at an NBSB status?

ooh, interesting.

cool meme snatched from

makibaka

. yahoo.

So, say you were meeting a new person--blind date, new friend, who knows. And you wanted them to have some idea of what kind of person you are, and who you are. But you can't actually tell them in so many words. Instead, you have to give them a box, with a dozen things in it for them to look at/read/listen to/taste/whatever. What would you put in the box? And a copy of your journal or a link to your LJ would be the same thing as just telling them directly, yourself, so that's not allowed.

1. huge earrings
2. jimmy choo cut outs
3. quill or pens with fluff
4. mocha latte
5. chronicles of narnia
6. a blank bratz/barbie/purple notebook
7. born lippy raspberry
8. cucumber melon lotion/perfume
9. stargazers
10. the learning tree album, haha
11. fabric swatches
12. the book of psalms with chapter 23 and 139 highlighted.

wow.bading na bading.

april twenny one oh six

after four years...whew.

ayos ba yun?

i browse kc concepcion's multiply. really depressing. but i love her to pieces because i love her mom lots. yeah sharonians go!

::::::: (",) :::::::
today, i passed off another opportunity to be a star. i have reached a year's quota of foiled sparkle plans. i know there is a chance that i wouldn't be able to make it. what irks me is that i didn't even try. when am i ever going to step up and reach the stars?

::::::: (",) :::::::
plan B: make them come to me.

bukas luluhod ang mga tala.

oh.my.shooting.stars.

http://xalai.livejournal.com
twinkle twinkle.
you know you want to... :)

the xaris

http://www.friendster.com/xalai
add me anytime. brdbrain8@yahoo.com

i'm nice like that.

sana maulit muli

confession: i watch that sappy soap on channel two with the two teeny-boppers with foreign last names. meanie. what can i say, i'm gravitating towards the mushy and inane. but pfft. i like watching it.

anyway, the plot goes something like if only [the j.love hewitt movie] where the guy gets to live out the past again [sorta like deja vu] so he can spend more time with the love of his life who passed away. and then he gets the chance to undo all his mistakes yadda yadda. i like plots with a dying lead. makes the whole thing more realistic. death makes life real.

so here, pinoy version, the guy gets to rewind what had happened. but like any pinoy appraoch to a recycled plot, there is a catch. he can't change the course of history which means he has to keep things all to himself and he can't do anything about the girl dying. so the girl still dies eventually. all he did was buy time to catch up and enjoy every moment left with the girl.

he chose to rewind because he wanted to spend more time with the girl. at the back of his mind, he wanted to change what's bound to happen so the girl doesn't have to die. of course, he can't do that. he knew that the girl will die 'at the takdang oras' whether he likes it or not. ayos ba yun. the lovesick hero chose to backtrack just the same.

if i were given the option, tas mamamatay din yung SO ko, wag na uy. no deal [as if kris aquino will suddenly appear and ask me the life-changing question]! i don't think i can bear to lose someone twice. pass na lang.

ayun. na-share ko lang.

prelude to april twenny one

ilang sandali bago yun.

geliques*xalai

ayun.magpicture-an sa dilim. sa rooftop. go.
angelika came back to the philippines after migrating down under four years ago.
and she lost most of our pictures. hahaha.

efc-licious

that was in araneta coliseum's parking lot. last i saw, napalitan na,hahaha

nung isang araw na nagkita ulit sila.

96.7 k-lite

nothing else sounds, erm, looks as good.

esbi

sila.love.

my life up there. *misses*

doon

yung batang nanggugulo sa mga opisina sa baguio

with zeik my bopren. nyahaha.

transitions

the xaris is a corporate brat.

i threw a tantrum yesterday because i did not get the planner i wanted. i raised my voice at my supervisor because she was not paying attention to me. i interrupted the sales meeting because i felt like doing an impersonation.

i update my friendster and blog and play solitaire when the company email/website is taking too long to respond. i spin around in my swivel chair and roll to different tables when i'm bored. i talk a lot. sing a lot. make noises a lot. when somebody points that out, i throw another tantrum.

all the while i am trying to be grown up; to be an adult who duly pays her taxes and comes to work on time. but there are just days that you feel that life is unfair for throwing you out into the real world too fast, too soon. i am grateful that the first transition phase came easy for me; that i never had a hard time looking for a job and i mean it literally. i never went company-hopping, resume-floating, or ayala/ortigas/makati-strolling to land a decent paying work. i thought that was the end of the student-workforce transition.

i'm in the middle of crossing over from a generic brat to i don't know. they say i have to be a grown up whatever that means. but i refuse to be a thirty-year-old adult when i'm only twenny one. there will be times when i will definitely act up intentionally or otherwise because that's what twenty-one-year-olds do.  i'm new at this. nobody should expect me to know precisely what to do in any given situation. i won't be hard on myself because i am making room for mistakes. because i know i am entitled to making them. [haha]

someday, i'll get over being childish or childlike, whatever you call it.  and someday, i will have to make only a few mistakes [and that's assuming i learn from them now]. someday still, i will tell a twenty-year old what to do and there's only one thing i can tell that [un]fortunate kid: pace yourself.

my officemates are giving me dagger looks now for blogging. i smile.

get real

it's officially one month since buhbye baguio may-i-cry-pa-sa-jeep-kamusta-naman. and i am getting used to the idea that going back there again has to be planned, not like my spontaneous trips where i can hail a bus as if i were just travelling from quezon city to quiapo. things are way different now from how it had been in the last four years when i had to catch a six-hour bus to get to school or to go on air. it is a bit unsettling that i can't have volante-cravings and get into a cab that would bring me to session road instantly. here, pizza delivery isn't as fun as actually going to the resto clad in jammies. and what's more, every trip to/in baguio is duly funded.

not that i'm not enjoying being home. but for those who have spent a considerable number of years up north, you get my drift.  baguio meant "working holiday" for me even when most of my time spent there was for schooling purposes.

anyway, as for working as opposed to studying, i'd say... erm, i really don't know. it's definitely more liberating to earn your own money and spend it any way you like. but in terms of having to live "on your own" and not being able to charge everything on daddy's plastic is a whole different ball game. wait, different is an understatement.

i got my first pay slip yesterday. it was whopping. translated: more than what i expected. but with the bills i had to shoulder and my sister's allowance plus an occasional "social" life, i would have to work harder if i were to save up for a euro trip in five years. working hard has never been in my vocabulary much less work. there is no way i could incorporate it in my system now. [and that is the brat in me talking]

orange_stardust

 is right. it is indeed quite a challenge to grow old and up.

out of my parents' shadows, i now realize that i don't even have a cent to my name. my being a working girl somehow drove my oh-so-loveable manufacturers to cut off their financial support and have me battle it out in the world of finance all by myself. hah. *whappak* fortunately, lil' ol' me can get away with freebies from patriarch and matriarch separately. but apart from the board, lodging and occasional luxuries, i'm on my own.

i'm trying to console myself with the perks i get. after all, contentment is a choice. i may not have everything wrapped around my finger and heck, the world does not yield to my every beck and call, but there is a certain peace that comes to me when i realize life is good. it's a blessing that i don't have to resort to drastic measures to eat three square meals a day and have a roof on my head. [although working at this point seem a bit drastic to me, haha].

and you know what else? i'ma change from being a baguio-funk-fashion junkie to a corporate, sophisticated manila working girl. yeah, like that's going to happen. sheesh.

sheer weirdness

[the xaris is on goth mode today]

the xaris feels deep emotions as to how it is the second week of january but the xaris is not on her way to tread higher grounds [read: baguio]. the xaris is disturbed. the homecoming in december is beginning to feel temporary. it is not just a Christmas break.

[the xaris stops being on goth mode]

someone please remind the xaris that home is now here and not there.

::::::: (",) :::::::

move over cindy.

Happy 22nd revolution around the earth cinderella. i love love you more than words can say.

cindy g. was my classmate in high school and we have been friends since then. [on and off on our first year coz she's too normal for the whacked emo kid i was] lucky to call her one of my best friends.

cindy g. is a camera whore. a genius [i used to copy off her math homework, hehe]. a very dedicated person [once she sets her mind on something]. a loving cousin. a pink-crazed fashionista. a model-thin beauty. a call girl [hehe, you go girl!]. loveth thee like whoa.

get that diploma, honey! :)

2007 resolutions

i was leafing through my journals one night the moon was full [i had to mention this because i get crazy with a beautiful, round moon] and i ended up backtracking to my january entries. funny how i never outgrew making new year's resolutions. and in keeping up with crazy traditions, hehe...

time for 2007 XARIS-olutions. [who, me, self-absorbed? pfft.]

1. get healthy and fit. i am starting to panic and be more aware of my health because i keep hearing a lot of deaths and sicknesses. i know i want to expire before or when i turn 25 but i have to be healthy while i'm alive, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. diba? diba?
2. make more disciples. sana makapg GT ako sa arneow.
3. learn more about God. have the mind of Christ. [this is really tough]
4. sing in church, yehey!
5. quit being mean. where do i begin?

erm, yan na lang muna.

every year, i keep asking for THAT one thing and every year it never happens. but i never stop wishing. because one day, i know, it's going to surprise me when i least expect it. hurray for dreams.

::::::: (",) :::::::
i know i resolved to stop being mean but here comes my cruel side again... must stop... i have to stop now.

moving on...

why is this hard? [and i am talking to myself.] 

ewan

have you ever had one of those days when you look like a total slouch? and just when you decide to deviate from your usual "coolness," the man of your dreams shows up and sits beside you on a public utility vehicle? there's no escaping him. you can't make pa-cute owing to the fact that you are a disaster. 

here's hoping that your dream guy turns out to be really, really bad.

anyway, it's too early to rant, si ima just go and take quizzes. hehe. :)

	I, the xaris, being of sound mind, hereby bequeath my entire estate to my pet rock. I do this because I support their plans of evil world conquest. My only regret in this life was that I didn't wash behind my ears.
'What will your Last Will and Testament say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

	the xaris discovered a new genre of music by mixing country with hip hop.
	... afterward, the xaris became an ideal and disappeared.
	'How will you be remembered in history books?' at QuizGalaxy.com

gimme chocolates. please and thank you.

a [belated] toast to all the wonderful people [and things] that made my 2006 sweet.

DX. you once again made wrestling watching interesting. i love you shawn michaels. you can break my heart anytime.

High School Musical. thanks for reminding that i can be soaring, flying, there's not a star in heaven that [we] can't reach. and this year, i shall shine because you made me realize that if untalented blokes like you get to be on TV, why can't i? harhar. seriously, you made me believe again. *sighs*

Hagorn, Jr. omg, i can't believe i met you this year! *checks one dream off list*

Baguio City and everything about it. thank you for the four years of fun and life and love. thank you for volante and sm [sige na nga] and UP. and burnham and session [i love session, sana ma-pedestrianize ka na]. andami paaaa...to the wonderful people there...

my SVCF family, i can't tell you how much i'll [or am] miss[ing] you. i want to see you grow pa. reach one more for Jesus. and yes our love will last until eternity. my UB girls. i shall miss you all.

k-lite people. i love love you all. thanks for bearing with my kakulitan and ingay. to everyone who tunes in to the music net and k-lite interactive, get a life. hehe. how could you stand xaris? harhar. wah and the techies who patiently taught me to man the console, ang tyaga, go! and mam let and sir johnny for letting me hang around and make gulo everything, thanks. jeri beri, hehe, you be nice. ate candz, ayabyu. ate wengsters and taray, wah! i miss you!  all the other jocks, tatay, ms.krish, ms.dana, jedi, and soon-to-be-jock hannah grace, keep the airwaves crazy. because nothing else sounds as good as 96.7 k-lite. woohoo!

GT mates. you know. the Lord knows. and yes, it's never good bye, it's see you later. *emo* the velardos, thanks for adopting me.

the pdi people. yeah, you may get away with calling me "the 70's show" but you must admit, i rocked [or messed] the bureau. hah!

lj friends. here's to more entries and bashing and all around niceness. woohoo!

amorsolo 2002. it's been what, six years? angelika, thanks for flying back home. *misses* cindy and kats and pat we'll fly to gel. *wishes*

the aliens who live in the projects aka my family. and those in the ritzier part of the metro.

Josiah's Catering, Inc. thanks for giving me my first hosting job. yehey. and with sikat people too.

my SBC family. may we all strive to be our Lord's kawangis. we are getting there. see you in the promised land. to all the pastors, grabe, ouch every sermon. may the Lord use you as His mouthpiece everyday. yeah, kuya dave, you rockS! and tito bob, you have the biggest heart [literally and figuratively, hehe]. tita vi, you're still the coolest adult i know. joy club, ay builders na pala. even now, i still look up to you all.

2006 is waaay sweeter. gotta lot more to thank the Lord for. andami masyado. loads more. like really.

Manila. may we be acquainted once more.

cheers. *toasts*

worth the wait

almost everyone i know have experienced it.

they know how it feels, the way it looks, what's so cool about it. they have all formed opinions on what it lacked. they figured out how it could be improved. they loved and enjoyed it.

they had been enthralled and touched by the story. they felt pain, remorse, kilig, joy, and bitin-ness.

hay. nagagawa nga naman ng superman returns.


i think i am one of the last people who has seen the movie. i knew i could have caught it the first week of showing but my daddy acquired imax tickets on a later schedule. so even when all my friends ranted and raved about it, i kept the resolve NOT to see it if not in 3d. haha. yabang.

it was early morning, ano ba?

the eight story screen and the alien-y glasses convinced me that i deserved nothing less. i mean, it's cool that you see superman flying, but on 3d it's as if you can actually hold his face. [how papable brandon routh is. *swoons*]

this entry isn't meant to evaluate the quality of the film. duh. you've probably seen it [like the rest of the world] so i need not get into critic mode. you've probably heard it all, anyway. and this is not an evaluation of the imax cinema either. i am too lazy to be descriptive.

eh bat ba. blog ko to. this is meant to make inggit. hahahahahaha!

anyway, SONA day. i only appreciated it in high school because we always had no classes. eight years after, i get sick of the same crap. i am sorry. but i'm not a fan of hullabaloos.

basically it goes like this:

i forgot to talk about education. *applause*

really, i am stealing money from the public all the while. *applause*

i would like to thank fanny serrano for my hair and make up. *applause*

i don't have plans for the future but so what? i am cute. *applause*

and that ladies and gentlemen is how it goes.

the sights and sounds of public transpo and missable misses

on my way to manila from le uber cool mountains, i was feeling so happy because my week had been productive [look ma, i'm awake]. plus the night sky was so amazing. i was so filled with joy stargazing on the bus [good thing victory liner busses have large windows], i didn't notice that we have stopped for a long time. there were red lights strobing in the distance and media vans. wow scoop ito. then the bus moved forward and when i looked out, holy jeepers, there was a dead man sprawled on marcos hi-way! all i could blurt out was, "oh my goodness." my only consolation was that i didn't see his face. creepy.

i tried to sleep. that's new because i never tried sleeping; it had always been so natural to me. anyway, i finally dozed off and the next thing i knew, we were in manila. i decided to walk and take the jeep instead of hailing a cab. i needed to exercise. and cross big roads. [oh. pedestrian stop lights in timog corner edsa, don't work.]

in the jeepney, there were two men talking about working late shifts. baristas most likely. they were discussing how annoying it was when customers would trip them. i felt guilty for giving psst, all, ever, free and takeshi as my name for order call outs. but but it's so fun hearing, "pizza for ever!" diba? diba? or "coffee for all!" ah. but them baristas are smart. they changed the system for trippers. they'd now say, "free, your coffee is ready." oh diba, style. chenes.

one time, there was a gay teener snuggling so close to me even when the jeep was half empty. he was talking in his green 7610 and he suddenly says to me,"ate, ang ganda ng fone ko noh. hahaha." lasing ka ba?

::::::: (",) :::::::
i stumbled upon the OBB of the adventures of pete and pete on you tube. you know, the nickelodeon show with two brothers with the same name. my siblings and i bonded over every episode; waking each other up on wee hours of the day to catch re-runs. i felt my eyes brimming with tears at the sight of the all-too familiar characters: pete, pete, petunia, ellen, mom, dad, artie, nona, bus driver stu... and other quirky characters. i felt like i reunited with a long lost love.



speaking of old nick shows, i also miss clarissa explains it all. melissa joan hart as clarissa darling is just adorable. she's probabaly one of the reasons why i majored in journalism. hehe. joke lang yun. i love love the show. i'd catch it everyday, even the 2am replay. i was that hooked because the show gives light to typical teenager issues in an interesting, "journalistic" way [i am talking about teeny bopper issues. i was young, sue me]. plus clarissa had an eccentric fashion sense. although bordering on tacky, it was forgivable. heck, it was the early 90's.



i can probably name a dozen shows i miss. legends of the hidden temple, all that [the original cast], kenan and kel, the secret world of alex mack, wwf [yes, when stone cold reigned supreme and dx was the coolest thing ever], tgis *rolls eyes*, takeshi's castle, shaider, mask man [laser squadron, mas-kuu maaan!], bio man, dexter's lab, saved by the bell, beverly hills 90210, doogie houser, m.d., mcgyver *swoon*, mission impossible [when they were a team and not tom cruise hogging the spotlight]... so that's more than a dozen. and i grew up glued on the tube [but what kid in my generation isn't?] oh yes, i also sorely miss encantadia.



teka, teka, ankoolet ng DX! carlito, mag-suicide ka na. :)

some, some

signs that you've been inactive for a real long time:

1. when you manually polish the floor [read: floorwax at bunot] and ten minutes into the job, you sweat like an athlete.

2. carrying the rice cooker from one table to another makes your arms ache soon after.

3. you feel that resting means sleeping.

4. you can't finish a book because you fall asleep while reading.

5. walking uphill, say two steps up, makes you cry.

... goodness. what is wrong with this picture?

i am not a fan of british royalty. when somebody points out that camilla whoever is wearing a hideous head-dress, i'd go, "huh?" and i couldn't care less if prince william liked/likes britney spears. [but wait. britney's just a bad taste.]so no, when i step into london, i shall not bother myself with royalty. pish-posh.

fairy tales don't happen. they're too disney-ish. i'd believe fairy tales if one of them royal people fall in love with a non-celebrity, non-political [to the third degree] common person with a name like andrea corpus batungbakal. hah. so unlikely.

okay. i'm losing it. somebody had better talk to me or take me jogging.

i misseth thee like whoa

i have never had a friend like you.

you taught how to enjoy cocktails and pretend like i've been drinking them for a long time already.

you live a cool life. heck, you're in london now.

you make mean-ness almost nice. ["tis a joy to discover the villain within." :)]

you give special time to anybody who needs it.

you are a good listener.

you laugh at my jokes and apir like uso pa ang apir. hahaha.

you showed me how real friendship can survive across shores [and over time].

you have made may to june most unforgettable.

you brought the efc back together. haha. [mga tamad kasing lumabas]

you reminded me that God is super gracious in every way.

you proved that even the most composed, "rational" being can go bonkers over love.

you taught me that gorgeous can apply to everyone.




so for you, my loveliest angel, all weather friend, extremely amazing ego-booster and uber pranka best friend...

take me to LONDON with you. hehe.

seriously, i love you more than these words know what they mean.

mark 2012. we shall hail the queen. or me. haha.

H A L P !

what to do when 1) it's raining like hell in baguio, 2) there's a landslide near your house, 3) you are moolahless, 4) there is a shortage of munchables in the house, 5) you can't cook because you're too poor to buy gas and 6) you have no job?

...scream... scream if you love silence and sanity!

seriously, you start by praying that the rain will go on forever so that classes will be cancelled [so, in my case, i won't have campus work] then sleep until noon or until the sun shines, whichever comes first. you later realize that you have to get out of bed lest you spontaneously combust from too much friction, so up you go. when you go to the kitchen and there isn't a chance of boiling water for coffee, you drink it cold. after two hours and the radio still blares the same songs, you dress up and camwhore like there's no tomorrow. when the camwhoring gets seriously lame, you learn a board game. when you have mastered the game and declare yourself a genius in cluedo, experiment on the kitchen. when you feel that catsup and corned beef is a good combination, play in the rain. pretend that your world is one big shandy advertisement.

then you'd realize that it has only been an hour and a half since you got out of bed.

can you spell evidently lame? apparently, i DON'T know what to do.

trip to quiapo

SEQ 1.EXT.LATE AFTERNOON.LIVING ROOM.
XAI [TEXTING]:
Kuya, Paano ba pumunta sa Luneta?
KUYA [in deep thought]:
Sumulat ka ng nobela laban sa mga Espanyol at magsimula ka ng rebolusyon. bwahaha! [sabay batok]

my girlfriends and i planned to meet at the national hero's shrine at 5pm today. i didn't know how to get to Luneta from our place. but i'm a smart kid, i'd figure it out. so i hailed a jeepney [yes, i'm a fan of jeepneys] to quiapo and asked the manong how to get to luneta. yey me! i'm on the right ride. the jeep goes straight to rizal park.

the travel time took forever so i busied myself with cutie sightings. there was a ust boy wearing orange and i thought he looked okay. so i stared at him from behind and i realized, no he was not. but he's the best looking thing in the jeep so i focused on him for a while. when he got down, i decided to do something else [like i had a choice] so i daydreamed winning the 2 million jackpot from deal or no deal. [kris says it like, "djeel or no dzeel!"]

in my mind, i keep saying "no deal" or "hey hey hey banker" or "say it again kris" or "ohmigosh, ohmigosh" and i really had fun turning down the banker's generous offers. i know i have the top amount on the briefcase i picked which was 3 or 18 or 13 or 8. i am very confident i'd win. and then kris aquino jumps up and down and almost trips at her long green gown from excitement. and i am like, "ohmigoodness. i won! i won!" and she goes, "oh my gosh xaris, you are our first 2 millionaire!" and i go, "i know, i know. thank God" and i plan on giving half my prize money to church and to inter varsity and keep the other half in the bank or buy the banker a new phone. everyone is screaming with happiness and i keep thanking everyone and i go, "i just knew i got the 2 million in that briefcase. may peace ako when i said no deal. grabe praise God!" and kris says, "God really is good. what can you say now?" "Banker, baba ka dito, party tayo!!!"

when i got back home later, i watched deal or no deal and guess what, somebody missed the 2 million jackpot on briefcase 18. *guho ang mundo*

i believe i had tears in my eyes after my award-winning daydream. the amused manong driver smiled at me and said, "neng, dito ka na bababa. rizal park na o." i looked outside and blushed. "ay talaga manong?" "ikaw lang mag-isa papasyal?" "hindi po, may imi-meet po ako. salamat ho." and i got down.

walking through the park gave me a sense of serenity with the light breeze cooling my sweaty forehead. i can't help but smile and feel kilig while strolling. i looked down on the tiled walkway and looked up at the lamp posts half expecting that suddenly everything will turn sepia. and that i'll come across stern guardia civils. i like the idea of time travelling. that's my communion with my old soul. you see, i think i was born in the wrong century. hehe.

i came ahead of my friends, so i chummied the manong sikyu at the monument. i asked him why tourists couldn't go near the statue. i vaguely remember that when i was a kid, we could go near rizal's statue. the manong said, "eh kasi ginugulo ng mga tao yung mga nagbabantay, nainis na sila. nagkakalat pa. mga pilipino talaga." i nodded sympathetically feeling gulity that once in my life i thought about pestering the marines on duty. *shame* i understand completely now. history and culture 101.

ten years passed and snow and sleet fell, no friends came. so i walked alone looking like a defeated househelp stood up by her pen pal who's supposed to eyeball her. i sat down and slumped and bought c2 [na duh, bente pesos, ang taga taga talaga].

i was observing the passers by and counted more boy-pairs than male and female lovers against the world. brokeback ba ito? they were so many i could only sigh and say, "why God?" [insert props and set for jesus christ super star]. kidding. *lugmok sa bitterness*

a maya was eating clover chips nearby. nainggit tuloy ako. but i couldn't eat so i decided to write. after finishing a novel [sobrang wala pa rin ang mga ka-meet ko] while the sun was saying buh-bye already, i thought it best to leave. grabe naman isang oras na ko dun, ano bur? i wanted to ride a calesa but i couldn't spot one. so i walked until i found a jeep to take me home. astig. door to door ang moda.

i love manila now. and the jeep to quiapo. and many other things. as for my girlfriends, we can always set a new date. nothing beats the trip i had today. :)

magtrabaho ka na xai

this is fun. much thanks to on her tabulas [which i so loveth] for this.

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must in turn post this meme on your blog
9. With a letter I assign to you, you must write ten things that you like that begin with that letter.

she assigned me W.
1. wasabe. it's relief from bad sinus problems.
2. wonderwall. i remember my favorite person when i hear this and i cry.
3. weirdness. because everyone is normal.
4. walnuts
5. wacks. *keeleg*
6. wendy's
7. wednesday addams
8. willy wonka *bliss*
9. writing. ahahaha. lookie ms.L, i can write.
10. watanabe, ken. will you marry me?

mkay. right now, i am watching an inane antoinette taus movie. i so have better things to do but look at me. what's wrong with this picture? better get back to work.

snuff out the shine

this is goodbye to my pinoy big brother dreams.

[moment of silence]

two weekends, i planned to breeze my way into the pbb auditions and turn on the charms i have not used in a long time. i even got my pictures [close up and full body], birth certificate, and bio data [which i had to research for because i had no idea what a bio data looks like]. so yes, i was semi prepared. semi because the stupid side of me did not even check where the auditions were supposed to be held! [yeah, spell stupid *rolls eyes*]

this last weekend, i was willing to go to abscbn and ask around there but i caught a virus in baguio and was sick for four days. suffice to say, i missed my dear chance to fame. boohoo, indeed.

so to console my pityful self, i keep saying that maybe God did not want me to audition because i will be such a shoo in and of course, they'll get me and make me a housemate and then i won't be able to concentrate on GT work. that's probably it. i did not get the chance to audition because i'm good as in and that will greatly affect my committment as GT. perhaps this really isn't my time. next year, xai, next year. right.

and anyway, i have plenty of time to come up with fool proof ways for being famous. and tss, pbb is just a phase. and it's too beneath me. really now. me in pbb. it's the most inane thing ever. i hate the show anyway. it's too mediated. you want the real let's-all-live-together-in-one-space-and-try-to-enjoy-each-other? try kawayan camp. and the big brother there is THE big brother. screw up and you get dealt with big time. and there are no hidden cameras but he can see your every move and thought. beat that direk lauren.

dripping with bitterness now. hehe.

what is going to happen when i become famous? nothing much. i think i will be the same weird kid i am now. but oh. i will meet people. them sparkling, shining, shimmering splendid people. and then i am bound to be starstruck and gaping every second and looking like a freakazoid. more than usual. maybe i'll get the nerve to come up to my favorite people and say, "ah, hello po. pwede ko po ba kayong palakpakan?" and then clap like an overexcited teeny bopper meeting bobby andrews for the first time. *keeleg* i already have a list of applaud worthy people.

1. joel torre
2. pen medina
3. cesar montano
4. sharon cuneta [yes. i'm sharonian. so sue me.]
5. ronnie lazaro
6. dolphy
7. jose manalo [haha. really.]

so there. i have let my proverbial hair down. if only i can endorse a shampoo brand. uy, ang ganda, ay... erm... urp.

maniler, begyow, erm, time warp

back from baguio. oh, i can do this every week. right.

too much sleep and drama for the past three days made my eyes super puffy [i'm chinita now] and my bionic eyesight unreliable. imagine all the cutie sightings i missed. grah.

i am dead tired from all the travelling to and from the city of pines. [what pines? you can't even smell a hint of it except maybe when your car freshener is fake pine-scented.] and the bus. oh gosh, the bus. it's too cold. i had to put the curtain up to block the stupid air condition from numbing me. hanlameeg, as in! as if i have the moolah for all the expenses. nyek. i'm working and making megabucks [haha. right] but i feel so poor from all the travelling. i even had to take my parents on a guilt-trip to support me. works every time.

but i am happy. i'm still adjusting to the GT life [that's graduates team]. and it didn't help at all that my thesis pakner is a dramachine like me. drama, drama, drama. i'm assigned to *gasps* UB where it's "all up here" *points index finger to temple*. actually, i'm axcited as much as i am horrified. anything for the love of the Lord. [this is what i've always wanted, but the tax is just too much] i lurve doing this.

i think i had better wrap this up. no more corporate bratting for me today. hehe. my boss just got back. yipes!

ok kids

Josiah's Catering is one of the finalists for international events supplier of the year in the spotlight awards. visit www.event-solution.com and vote for us.

ganito yan. punta ka sa site. tas click the spotlight awards tab. tas click vote. tas follow procedures, vote Judith Versoza of Josiah's Catering and have a nice day.

yes, yes! Josiah's is the best! :)

:::::::(",):::::::
ahaha. andami pang gagawin tas pa-blog blog lang ako sa comsci office. xaris, yah hafta start working. ang dami mo pang deadline. [isn't it nice to have alter egos tell you what to do? that's xai speaking now]

oh the joys of schitzophrenia!

and now here are news about my beloved UP Baguio.

i saw my ex-crush teacher who looks like a japanese doll. he used to have long beautiful hair and now the locks are gone. he looks so weird. in a cute way, though. reports show that hair really does make or break a person's, erm, face? on other ex-crush teacher news, one has gone awol. sources say that he has probably heard that xalai is coming and now he is in hiding. a red alert is up on finding nemo.

on other news, the dormitory has been renovated, marzan inspired no doubt, with peach tiles and paint. it's so screaming fag. but the crs look so bath-able and brehans will no longer use the "walang-tubig" excuse to get away with the wisik wisik syndrome. the water problem is still there but who cares about water when you have adorable bathrooms? and the forbidden room, 204, is now in use. good luck to its residents.

this just in. xalai is in campus. beware of the dyosa lurking the beautiful halls of the academe spreading gayness and weirdness all over. and warning to all freshmen wannabe fashionistas, she hasn't given up her reign. quote-bwahahaha-unqoute.

and that was all the rage in UP Baguio. toodles and have a nice day.

[INSERT CBB]

you and me against the world

like the kris aquino robin padilla movie on cinemaone now. okay. channel zap now.

i hate hate hormones. it's making me crazy. everyday, i feel like crying [so not the drama]. i keep thinking that i have done everything i possibly might want to do, and now i'm bored because i've pretty much done it all. yeah, it sounds cool that way. haha.

i suppose this is where dreaming comes in. when people have dreams they try their best to live and make it happen. they don't stop and do everything in their power to stay positive. because dreaming is free. because it knows no bounds. because it is there that they feel human.

[insert sappy cinderella theme song]

"in dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep" yes. because nobody is there to take your dream away from you. there will be no one to make you feel left-out, insignificant, unpretty, insecure... oh, the list of villainy deeds goes on. the thing is, none of it will be in your dreams. if only reality is as sweet.

makes me think though. i have to keep dreaming. it's one of the things that keep me sane alive.

if there's any consolation about all my dreaming/drama, it's that at the end of the day [or night], upon waking up, i have a big God who has my back. sweet dreams or not. plus, He so rocks He gives me reason to dream, believe and survive. [yes. i shall be a star soon.]:)

phooey

i have never seen titanic. the leo di caprio-kate winslet titanic. not once. not even a glimpse.

NEVERRRR.

that's because when i was in the sixth grade, i was a geek. i watched discovery channel and national geographic channel on a daily basis. i kept saying that i'd rather see the documnetary of what really happened with the titanic than watch it in a love story format. and i thought leo was gay. and celine dion's my heart will go on was too, well, cheesy. but i sing it anyway.

jack and rose are a bunch of phonies. they fell in love with each other because there were no other options. everyone else was just so bad. it had to be jack and rose.

and an iceberg was the perfect end to their relationship.

so what really happened to the titanic? the geeky side of me come to science to explain why a ship so well-planned and built would sink just like that. it was beyond science.

seven fatal words registered on my head: not even God can sink this ship. there you go, off into subzero, titanic. but i can't help but think of the innocent people there. yeah, even "jack" and "rose." it gives new meaning to the phrase God cannot be mocked. whatever God was thinking, He knows what He's doing. i wonder if the movie highlighted that.

i think i had better see it.

WEATHER you like it or yes.

the weather matches my mood. it's sunny then bleak then drizzling then humid. like a whirlwind of emotions, it surges to the highest point then drops down- kerplunk with glaring meanness.

i need to get away. and where i am running to is not my comfort zone. but i need to get there fast before it pours again.

it's a place where i have to take care of myself. where i have to pay my bills. where i just couldn't wear my heart on my sleeves. i think the place i'm headed for is called reality.

stupid weather.

shine, shine, shine

i was reading a british chick lit, not exactly what you'd call smart reading, but hey, it's not like i had better things to do. i was really amused by the lead character, she's a shopaholic [guess the book title] and she's so real. i do think i can be as ditzy as her often times. but not all ditzy-sounding and looking people are as bad as anyone thinks they are. hah! you'd be surprised to know that they actually have something in between their ears. and it's prettier than what you see. [ehem, ehem]

the author is a journalist and i have to hand it to her, she makes it sound as if writing is the best job in the world. journalists do have a knack for turning otherwise uninteresting tales into a winner. they almost always make a lame tale into a pulitzer tear-jerker. as if it's worth writing about. and they do get away with it. even if they have to exaggerate, they give typical, everyday life a human interest angle. right.

my feature writing teacher thinks i couldn't write. and for a while, i listened to her [that's the ditz in me talking]. i seriously think that i didn't have enough substance to meet her standards. and then i realized she had none. standards, i mean. i do believe she was bitter and she hated my class for some mundane reason. haha. poor blouse.

who knew i'd be writing for my first job and sidelining as tagapanatili ng kagandahan [you see, i make my own job title]. wait, i didn't get a degree in journalism for nothing. so let me tell you about my life.

[haha. like i have one.]

it had only been a week since my graduation when i got offered a writing-slash-PR-slash-food taster [haha] job. i didn't even sweat to look for a job. i go to work only when i feel like it and i wear fabulous ensembles from U2. when i'm not upholding beauty in the workplace, my friends and i meet for a margarita or coffee and dine in all these fancy places. i get to try different cuisines weekly. plus at work, we have free lunch and if we're lucky we get to sample the fine, culinary expertise of our resident chef. we do have that at work, you know.

but i wonder somehow if that's the kind of job i wanted to keep. i mean, i get to chat with the right people, get endorsements every now and then, do radio plugs and write press releases... it's too much really. i want to be something else. like a star. not an actress. a star. and it's Biblical too [okay that was taken out of context, scratch that].

i seriously want to be a celebrity but my non-showbiz parents think it's a waste of energy. but but but, i think i'll be good at it. no, i can't really act, i lost my thespian inclinations a long time ago. but who in philippine showbusiness can, right? nobody would notice.i was born for stardom. i mean, i'm so glam, i piss glitter!

i'm gearing up for celebrity status. i can't go on leading a normal life. i want sparkle. i want controversy. i want to give kris aquino a run for her money [or half of it]. normalcy is just so not me. really unbecoming. so watch out fame, xaris is so there.

[now, what did i say about journalists and exaggerating...?]

DISCLAIMER: journalism is a profession of accuracy and fact-checking. if i had a license, it would have been revoked... even before i got my degree. let REAL journalists live.

para kay bobby andrews

my close friend's boyfriend passed away today. the guy had been sick for a long time but is very positive about life. he loved my friend dearly. loved. as in past tense. how quick life is. and the sad part is that my friend wasn't with him when that happened. he was in pampanga, she in baguio. no goodbyes. no nothing.

i also want to die young. [hindi dahil suicidal ako or anything ah] i seriously want to go home up there and be with my Lord forevermore. but that's preempting His will diba, kaya chillax lang. seize the day for His glory.

kaya, bago mahuli ang lahat, magtatapat na ako.

remember TGIS days? *sigh* well, it had always been the highlight of my week, to see bobby andrews aka joaquin torres III or wacks and peachy making pa-cute and other teeny bopper stuff [sheesh. i was in the 5th grade. that was my idea of kilig]. i would even try to go to their set and watch the taping [which is really ridiculous because i live on the other side of the planet]. puh-thetique talaga. hehe. i'd collect his pictures pa and drool on articles written about him. i would even give my life to defend the glory of TGIS when the rival network came up with a teen show. i remember fighting with a classmate when she said rico yan was cuter [to which, i agree now].

when i realized mcgyver and i could not be together, i considered batman or shaider. and when it sank in that we have no future, i settled for bobby andrews. i loved bobby andrews. or wacks. [i was a confused kid, they could very well be the same person, duh.] i swore allegiance to the TGIS barkada which i believed would last forever. i promised to marry bobby andrews [i'm hardcore jologs like that]! fortunately, kids do grow up. and hey, it was good while it lasted.

looking back, i'm now, what the heck was i thinking??

buryong.

isang tulog na lang, AMORSOLO partay na! sinong mag-aakala na makalipas ang apat na taon, eh, going strong pa rin kami. naks. i never thought i would use "going strong" to refer to a, uh, multiple relationship (?). hehe. nainlab na sa section ang baklang ako. creepy. so yeah, everyone had better be there or cindy and i will attack real soon. boo.

:::::::(",):::::::

bat ang daming kantang naisusulat tungkol sa jeepney? basa...
-bumaba ako sa JEEPNEY
-miss miss sa loob ng JEEPNEY
-doon sa sakayan ng JEEP
-konti na lang at aandar nang aking JEEPNEY
-mga JEEPNEY mong nagliliparan
...at marami pang iba. siguro. tapos parang inlab lagi ang tema. siguro nga'y may mga tao na nakakatagpo ng pag-ibig sa mahiwagang sasakyan na ito na nagbuhat pa noong world war 2. eh bat ganon? jeep naman ako ng jeep, wala naman akong nakakatagpo. boo to the 100th power. mabuti pa ang taxi. isa lang ang pwede mong pagkainteresan. yung mamang taxi driver. at kung hindi ma-type-an, kiber lang, walang emotional investment. olats nga lang ang metro. kasi naman, welcome to the thirdworld. buti pa sa baguio, sulit magtaxi. mura na nga, honest pa yung mga driver. ultimong singkwenta sentimos, ibabalik sayo. tas tatawagin ka pang ma'am o kaya ading. sweet noh.

balik tayo sa jeep. ah, ano nga ba. ayun. kalokohan mag-jeep sa aurora blvd patungong quiapo. kasi may lrt na. hahaha. walang point yung sinabi ko, actually. kaya wala, tatapusin ko na ang usapan o kantahang jeepney.

[who to diss, who to diss]

oh. i was watching myx one late night looking forward to seeing the one music video that seems to be eluding me. so while waiting, i decided to check out other videos and not channel zap [because i love channel surfing]. actually i didn't watch the videos, i was reading the lyrics. and what lack of poetry and style one band, let's call it P-syet [silent T], had! lame is the best word for it. parang chopsuey na kung anu-anong cliche. and the melody was okay but then it's not exactly "original" because most of their songs sounded like it. i then found myself crying for the philippine music industry. that's exaggerated. but i was sad, really. buti na lang, hindi lahat ng artists katulad nila. boo. and i won't even mention that none of the band members are hot. diba, kung wala kang substance, daanin mo sa form. eh kaso, parehong wala. so boo, boo, boo.

be nice xai.

erm, i didn't get to see the one video i so wanted to see. grah.

wheeeee!

last night [or was it in the wee hours of morning], a full moon was up even when a storm was still brewing [or about to say goodbye; i never really cared much about the weather]. and so the tree branches outside my window were beating against the wind; a coconut tree on the left and a palawan cherry/balete tree on the right. imagine the swaying branches plus the howling wind plus a little drizzle illuminated by the moon in the background. it was a little creepy, much like a scene from a horror movie or michael jackson's thriller. i was waiting for the tenenenenenenen theme from twilight zone; it didn't come. and ohmigoodness, there were bats! i swear they were screeching and flying around without direction, perhaps bumping into tree trunks or something. for some reason, i smiled at the thought that batman is probably around the corner... seriously, last night was so creepy. but i wasn't freaked out or anything. i was actually a bit kilig. i couldn't go back to sleep and i reached for my phone. i had three messages. one was from my thesis partner who said they were praying for me. at 3am. surreal mehn. it's a nice feeling when people dear to you remember to pray for you. maybe that's why i couldn't sleep.

for some reason, just lying in bed watching the movements outside was really relaxing. i took the time to thank the Lord for all His blessings. and like i usually do, i make sumbong about all my frustrations and cry my heart out to Him. and then i sing and tell Him how mcuh i love him. and you know, the next day, i woke up wearing a smile and a certain glow that comes from within.

and what a great day i had. :) keeleg talaga.

to euclid

i see no future in us.

one, because you are you and i am me.

two, because we don't see things eye to eye.

three, because i am psychic and i am good at being one.

you are always near yet so far. it's the dumbest cliche i can think of, but it's the truest. i imagine you and me together and it had been perfect for a while. we held hands like two kids lost in unfamiliar territory. it was comforting to know that you were beside me. i'd get lost with you any time. i hope we never get found.

you have a beautiful mind. your thoughts are always delicious. you see things i wanted to see. you live out all my frustrations. you, above all, always make me smile. and when you smile back, it's enough reason to believe in fairytales and magic.

you are my only audience. with you, i can sing my heart [and lungs] out and even if i miss a note, you wouldn't mind. when you're around, i can be witty and i love the way you laugh or smirk or roll your eyes at my cornball jokes. your laugh is contagious. with you, i can love like there's no tomorrow; as if there's no such thing as pain... as if i won't ever hurt.

we're perfect for each other. you and i both think so but it's never going to happen. because i still have to wake up. because i still have to exist. because you and i are not real.

i love you even before i knew you existed. i love you. still and for always. i choose to love you despite the craziness of it. i choose to love you when you go bad. i choose to love you even in oblivion. when will we see each other again?

perhaps never. or when you start living in this lifetime.

boo-hoo

i miss encantadia.

i miss baguio.

boo-hoo.

ano bur, dibur?

I feel like a corporate brat. I never applied for a job and yet here I am, busily typing away at a work station. And this isn’t even my own. Last week, I used the CEO’s desk and personal computer. That felt so surreal. It was fun swiveling around in the nicest chair in the office, writing, or checking my mail every now and then or playing solitaire or free cell or Barbie. Then this week, I decided that playing CEO is too much and I transferred myself to another station. Fortunately, the person whose computer I am using is on leave and I have free access to her unit. Desk and all [and oh, her computer is DSL connected, yey me!].

I don’t have a schedule. I don’t even have a time card. My resume is not required [but I chose to submit one anyway]. I can leave the office any time. Come here anytime [but work ethics tells me that I should at least come early]. I revise my work only when they tell me to and that after so many days. I think this is freelance but I’m told to come to the office everyday. I like coming here because they have DSL. I’m cool with the set up.

What my job description is, I dun no. All I know is that I write and moonlight at events. And check my mail. And uphold beauty. And play solitaire. And pester my bosses every now and then.

At least I get to wear heels and feel mature- like a working girl. And I don’t have to don a uniform. Someday, I hope. Green is the new black diba? Hehe.

spell desperation

i seriously want to be a celebrity. as in really, really want to be one. for so many reasons, mundane and profound and crazy and sincere. i want to be seen on that blasted tv screen.

enter pinoy big brother. nyeh. i've always thought it was beneath me to go for it. i'm mayabang like that. i feel like i could do so much better than being kuya's clown. hehe. i'm too much of a drama queen anyway. i don't think i'd last a day. sooo... why am i suddenly noting down the audition schedules and why am i planning on a new image and what's the deal with me thinking of a tagline, duh diba? eto pa malala, i'm mapping out a plan to make pbb fit my life projections for the year. puh-thetique.

while nothing is concrete yet, this is my plan.

:: audition in baguio and project an urban chic/ukay freak coolness.
:: audition in manila and project an urban chic/ukay freak/conio/jologs coolness.
:: image: santa, mabait, humil, kenkoy, psychic.
:: talents: stand up comedy na ako lang nakakgets sa mga hirit ko pero tatawa sila kasi i'm super charming.
:: under the iceberg image: back stabber pero sweet kaya nilalaglag ko na sila, hindi pa nila alam.

tas dapat ako unang maeevict. no tears. all laughs. tas rakrakan kasi nakita na ako sa tv sa wakas.
yeahboi!

oh diba, pwede na. pero wait lang tikbalang, pano nako magaaply sa cnn nyan?

loving till it hurts and other musings by the byutipul me

hindi mo ako pinatulog kagabi. nakakainis ka.
pero mahal kita. dahil mahal kita.
nakatulog ka kaya? sana'y mahimbing.

thyet. cheesy to the nth level. nasasapian na naman ako ng kung anong epidemyng hindi ko mawari. whatever.

anyway highway,i'm super excited to go up the mountains again. balik baguio na ako. kaya buh-bye metro manila. to your icky smog. to your humid air. to your dirty pavement.

pero bat kapag nasa baguio ako, hinahanap-hanap kita? [insert manila, manila, i keep coming back to manila...yeahyeahyeah]

mga jeepney mong nagliliparan, mga katulad kong naggagandahan... grabeng personhood ito!

the XALAI'S guide to impeccable vocabulary.
humil- being mababa.
ex. "Ay how sweet. he's so humil. hindi siya mayabang!"
humbility- the act of being humil. also referred to as humbleness.
ex. "alam niyo kailangan niyo ng humbility para hindi kayo kinatatakutan."
assumptionist- a person assuming to much.
ex. "Masyado ka namang assumptionist, eh iba naman ang crush niya."
feeler- a person who thinks he or she feels it all.
ex. "Ang feeler mo naman. wala yang gusto sa iyo, noh."
feelership- the fellowship of feeler people.
prettyful- me
nocturnality- a nationality distinct to night persons.
may i- [ano ba? ewan]
ganacity- a term coined by a screaming fag named nash whcih means, gana.
ex. "Stop bothering me. You're distrupting my ganacity sa pagsusulat ng paper! vova!"
vova- a term yet again coined by the screaming fag mentioned above, meaning engot.

DISCLAIMER: i mean screaming fag in the nicest possible way. if i call you that, i like you. i'm not homophobic [sometimes] so it's not meant to be offensive.

waking up to palawan cherry blossoms

my room mates laugh at my "abnormally long hours of sleep." i really can't blame them because, duh, sleeping is a talent i am proud of. i can sleep anywhere, through anything. one time, i lay down on the grass while my groupmates are shooting and the next thing i knew, i was asleep. they had to wake me up and it's super embarassing. at ang kati kati ng damo. grah.

i can sleep the whole day [try an intensity 9 earthquake, i'd still be snoozing] and i choose sleep over anything. well, maybe except food or great talk. i do declare, i'm a rip van winkle incarnate. hehe.

because i sleep half of my life, i need to have a reason to wake up. and rare reasons are they. i like seeing the sun in the morning. the day doesn't start until sunrise. without the sun, i don't get up. so when a storm is up, it takes me effort and a strong will before getting up.

in my new room, my bed is near the window [yey! i have windows] and i see the palawan cherry blossoms outside. i like waking up to pinks, yellows, blues and greens that only a bright, sunshiney morning can bring. [hallmark ba ito?] but the cherry blossoms are now out of season, so yeah... blah.

i also need to smell brewed coffee. my lola is the ultimate caffeine addict and a day isn't complete without coffee. i take a lot after her. i love the smell of freshly brewed beans [especially the benguet kind i bring home]. she brews them, i wake up.

ponkan on christmas day also gets me up and about! it's the generic christmas smell in our house. i get a feeling that it will be a citrussy day when i smell ponkan, why waste it in bed?

oh. one reason for waking up even when i can sleep all day anyway is... the thought of seeing prospects or hearing fom them or whatever. yeah. boy crazy? fwede. it's way funner than dreaming about them. on most days, if you catcheth my driftage.

and i need to smile when i wake up. so if i get a rude awakening, i promise to get on your nerves for the rest of the day.

and the best reason for waking up is... Jesus. because He rocketh like whoa. and duh, tis the day that the Lord hath made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. [hurray for sunday school!]