wag niyo namang gasgasin

ang dami kong nababasang mga, itago na lang natin sa katawagang, "impormasyon", at nakakainis dahil sa palagay ko ay gasgas na gasgas na salitang gorgeous. kung gorgeous ka, hindi na kailangang nakakabit yun sa pangalan mo. masasabi n alang yan ng mga tao dahil, well, it's screaming obvious. kaya feeling ko, eh redundant na ikabit pa yun sa pangalan kung totoo man iyon. at kung kakabit man, hindi ikaw ang maglalagay. sila. you just got to own it, gurlfriend!

at isa pang nakakainis sa gasgas eh yung mga trite ekspresyon na ang pangit pangit naman pakinggan sa tenga na tila baga mga salitang inggles na pinagsamasama ng walang taste. example: most often than not. kung hindi mo napapansin ang mali dun, eh wag mo kong kausapin; malamang hindi tayo magkakaintindihan. mapapatawad ko pa ang mga sablay na preposition, pero naman, kung common expression tas sablay pa, eh iha, magtagalog ka na lang.

tas eto pa, alam niyo ba na ang mga kababaihan sa UPbaguio ay a) mabait, b)matalino, c) maganda. kung hindi man yan, eh, "there's more to than what meets the eye" [pag hindi niyo pa rin napuna ang mali, grah] o kaya naman napagkakamalng masungit pero friendly naman talaga. o kaya hindi maarte/maingay o mababaw.

teka lang, tikbalang, e sino bang may sabi na pag maarte e otomatically mababaw? o kaya pag maingay, ganon din? hindi ba nila alam ang kasabihang, ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim; ang ilog na maingay,may naglalaba. actually, wala naman akong point eh. ikaw, meron? share mo naman oh.

hindi na ako iinom ng cough syrup. tunay ngang hindi mabuti ang epekto nito sa mga taong walang ubo.

landing. . .

when you get your head up in the clouds, it's really difficult to land. so i'ma stay up here all day.

call me? hahaha.

can i have your name please?

you know what's weird? my name.

it's hard to pronounce and... spell?

when i go to any place where they get your name for order call-outs, i say, "KAI" then spell it out and say, "X-A-I" and then they smile at me and scribble letters on stuff. so i wait patiently for my order [i'm not very big on patience, so believe me, it takes a lot of effort], and try to amuse myself by watching people pull off a conio accent while ordering [what is that, diba?] or foreigners picking up girls in high school uniforms [haha. san ba kasi ako nagpupupunta?] and kewl people kewl enough to be where i am [yeah. i'm cool like that]. so i wait... and wait... and suddenly i hear, "rhumba frappe for ms. kay" who is that? i figure it could be mine so i go up and yeah, it is.

i usually get ticked off when people mispronounce my name especially when i tell them how to pronounce and spell it in the first place. but i'm forgiving. [right] if it isn't bad enough that i get my order a little later because i couldn't hear my name right, counter people give me a variety of nicknames. there's kay, sai, say, xi, hai [how that happened, i dunno], key... and i don't know what else they'll come up with. [whee! looking forward!]

so i figured, maybe, i have speech impediment and they can't hear me properly [but, duh, i spell it out for them]or they're so starstruck they couldn't process information because they are awed at my presence. hehe.

this is why i want to be a celebrity. then people would know my name is xai [pronounced /kai/] and they would address me properly. actually, sanggre would do but only a few people catch on.

sanggre xai is better. leran it. live it. love it. ribbit. ribbit. urp.

nag-iisip pa kaya siya?

i was riding the jeepney home and four street kids got inside and started wiping our shoes and asking for alms. they were running barefooted and wearing tattered clothes. they were also playing patintero with the cars and, gulp, trucks. this wasn't the first time i saw this scene but somehow it got me thinking: does our president ever see this? duh, i mean syempre it's not like she rides jeepneys noh pero when she passes by the slum areas [if she ever does], does she ever think about them? really think about them? or even care? or does she zoom past them with all her PSGs leading the way and not even thinking about these kids? i hope she does. but if she does, well, what is she doing about it? someday, i will talk to the president.

xalai: so Madame President, what are you doing about the poverty situation of the country?
President: well, xalai, i fix the economy first then we all move forward. if only detractors stop meddling. buy hey, look, the peso is doing well.
xalai: when you see street children what do you do? concretely?
President: i pray for them and do something about the economy so in the long run they will stop being poor.
xalai: but, don't you, like, get down from your car and talk to them and give them food or clothes?
President: well, as much as i'd love to do that, i'm a busy woman and have plenty other errands to attend to. the social work department can take care of that.
xalai: oh.
xalai: ma'am tell me, is the economy fine?
President: yes. it's doing a lot better than the past years. the peso is getting back...
xalai: but are the people really doing better, ma'am
President: well..
xalai: i'm no economist ma'am but the value of the peso is not the only indicator of a good economy, is it?
President: you see...
xalai: and if the economy is fine, why is the standard of living still not better for the masses?
President: you don't know what you're talking about.
xalai: maybe i don't but i feel its repercussions. so if i don't know anything, what do you know? good day ma'am.

then do a karate chop and assume presidency.

if only it were that easy.

talaga lang

i watched the gospel of judas last night on national geo.

as usual, the docu treatment was okay but i don't see the point.

if judas really wrote that gospel and if it was really genuine [like they claimed], i don't see why it should be included in the Bible. its description of Jesus was uncharacteristic and a complete mockery of how scriptures described God. if there's anything fascinating about the Bible it is its coherence in thought and content. imagine so many writers with different styles, different contexts and different perceptions, separated by language, 4000+ years and vast lands write about something similar. that can never be conspiracy; there was no yahoo messenger back then.

the gospel of judas also says nothing about the crucifixion and ressurection so anti-church people say that these events are a hoax. but how can judas write about it when he committed suicide right after betraying Jesus? [just a thought] and there are also a load of information "hidden" and "screened" by the church.

another point in the documentary claims that early church fathers did not include this gospel because they were trying to "hide" the fact that there had been other groups of "christians" practicing "christianity." so naturally, they wanted to keep "christianity" all to themselves. if this had been the case and there were indeed other forms of "christianity" that died away, then that says a lot about the kind of "christian sect" they had. it didn't last so there must be something wrong with it. and it's not an excuse to say that it was the church fathers' fault that they were suppressed. many world religions have been suppressed in the past and i still can see them now. so yeah. something's really wrong with the picture.

because of all these "gnostic gospels" people might think that the Bible we have now is far from authentic. but if we can't trust God enough to preserve scripture over all these years, what can we trust Him with? isn't the Bible His revealed word? i think we have all we need to know. we just want to know more.

humans are naturally curious. and sin aggravates the matter. but, well, yeah, we are entitled to ask. so what do we do about it now?

*sigh*

he said i was smart and articulate.

how could he have known? i'm too distracted when he's around and morph into a ditz. "like, ohmigosh! that is soooo super kewl like ye wouldn't know." and in class, i don't say anything. and if i said something, i bet it didn't have substance. heck. philo kaya yun. and if i had said anything that is in any way close to what a highly developed homo sapien sapien would say it couldn't have been smart. i'm smart when i think. in his class, i don't think. i oggle. and daydream. and salivate.

articulate? where did he get that? does saying, "oh, that's stupid" all the time count? how is that remotely articulate? when i'm comfortable or when i'm with my friends, that's when i'm articulate. in my skin, i love to talk about everything. when i know he's within ten feet, i become jelly. i turn into a mindless barbie-wannabe.

so i think he spies on me.

convince yourself, xai, convince yourself.

:::::::(",):::::::
when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mermaid. but i never really learned how to swim until recently. now, i think i'm too old to grow fins magically. or grow my black hair up to the waist [my hair just seemed to stop growing altogether]. or sing as beautifully as sirens. [oh,i can turn into a siren, a 'wang wang' siren].

i saw mermaidia [sequel to barbie's fairytopia] and got super inggit that barbie became a mermaid. she had pink fins and pink jewelries and pink eyeshadow. [now i'm beginning to remember why i hate pink.] barbie this, barbie that. she turns into a mermaid, blah, blah, blah.

i'm gonna be a mermaid one day. or an octopus.

Graduation Speech

by Xaris Hope P. Tamayo, summa cum loudest

[ehem. is this thing on?] [feedback]

Chancellor [chancy, whaddup?], distinguished guests [yo mah man, howdy?],members of the faculty [love yah babe], graduating class of 2006, and [is that the president? hey you, yeah, howdy biznatch!] our families and friends, good day to all of us.

not too long ago, i was lost in the halls of this academe, wondering where TBA is and bitching my way because i was insecure and fresh out of high school. so expect newbies to be insipid or cocky. i chose to be cocky. and then i saw him. he had the most wonderful smile, physique... [oh wait. this is a grad/inspiring speech]. okay.

after that, i don't really remember much.

so anyway, school is...

school is...

uh...

school is okay as long as your teachers don't deliberately mess your grades just because she/he/it thinks you're not good enough. never let anyone make you feel less than who you are just because she/he/it did not pass the bar exams. [yeah!] so school's great because it prepares you for life ahead but you'll never really learn until you get out there in the real world. so if you want to get to the real world and fast, get out of school. there are two ways to do that: drop out or graduate. i chose to graduate because the past four years really helped me grow spiritually, economically, physically, emotionally and all that jazz. plus if i had dropped out, i wouldn't get to see the hottest, cutest and most adorable... [grad speech, grad speech].

so there.

most people would go ballistic when they don't graduate with honors. let me tell you something. go ballistic! then calm down and realize that graduating from UP is an achievement in itself. honors are but bonuses.

or do what i did. make up your own award. like, best in international costume or best in hair and make up or best in jumping up and down, screaming like hell in the school halls award. that kind of thing. if that makes you feel any better, then go. and the best part is, it's uniquely you. or make yourself a title like, dakilang oportunista or the amazing dweeb. anything is fine. then commission your yearbook staff to include those awards and titles. [it only costs php1500 *winks*]

oh yeah. we also have to be grateful to the forces behind our success. and if you still think that God does not exist, you're being stupid and arrogant soshutupokthanks. i will forevermore speak of God's grace because that is what has kept me alive and kicking. if it's not, i don't want is.

then there are also our parents we have to thank. they gave so much and the least we can do is give them a hug and kiss. believe you me, they like that. an occasional "i love you" wouldn't hurt, so give em that as well.

of course, we also have to thank our friends and teachers. yeah even those "friends" who did not stick. after all, they contributed to the kind of person you have become. thank also the teachers who think they're gods. then prove your point and hire them someday. [bwahahahahaha!] oh. forgive them. [convince yourself, xai].

i believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way. show them all the beauty they possess inside. close my eyes. let the whole world pass me by. there is no time to waste asking why. dear kim, kamustang bakasyon mo? let me know if i'm doing this right, let me know if my grips too tight let me know if i could stay all of my life. should i stay or should i go-oh?

let's make this nation a better place to live in. for our children. for our grandchildren... [let us annihilate all the kadiri good for nothing trapos who lie, cheat, steal, and lie some more!!!]

let us go out there and stop making excuses. [if you can't do it, teach it at least]. let us all become socially aware and run for congress. ehehe.

let us make a difference. let us learn to love God above all then our fellow citizens. let us start now! [by making kuyug that stooopeed, short, and selfish brat/loser/cheater/liar aka the president]

i thank you. bow.

my very own moments of love

for some reason, even when the plot is contrived and predictable, i seriously enjoyed and cried over moments of love. i loved its simplicity and the texture of the cinematography. kinda in-lovish. and so, i watched the movie by myself [i get a kick from watching movies on my own], cried, commented, laughed, booed, sighed [dang, i must be a schizo!] and felt that overly warm and fuzzy feeling, the kind you get from eating ice cream and fudge on a hot, summer day [like today]. fell in love with the movie, that's what i did.

i really think i was born in the wrong century. i concede to the idea that i won't find the "kabiyak ng aking kaluluwa" in this lifetime. [not that i believe in reincarnation or something] here's why i say that is:

:: i still buy chivalry despite the woman empowerment thing going on. and it's the ancient chivalry i've always imagined. as in horse back, ridiculous jackets on warm days, riding boots, bows and curtsies. opening doors, addressing ladies respectfully, offering a hand to whoever, that sorta thing.

:: i have an old soul. i like ancient things. as ancient as gaelic. i love the old days [or at least how they depict in movies and books].

:: and guys in this lifetime are probably taken or gay. or both. nuff said.

i do declare, i shall be forevermore alone but not lonely. forever wondering how the wind can blow me kisses of time past. hopelessly blowing kisses back. and thinking what the hell is wrong with this picture.

yep. i was born in the wrong century. and my moments of love exists [or existed] in the fifteenth century... europe. so there is no way, i'll be finding him now. darn.

blame it on the weatherman

while my friends are out getting jobs and soul searching, i stay home, sweating like hell in humid, icky manila, trying to reincarnate my love for writing. i start blogs then leave them to rot. baad, xai, bad.

in a matter of days, i'll be officially adding to the unemployment rate. i'm not really thinking what i'll do after graduation. what the heck. i'm on a break. why would i want to think about jobs just when i had barely gotten out of school? and so, while i'm preoccupied with, uh, nothingness, i will write and complain and diss people/things who/that come to mind.

starting with... me! [spell self-absorbed]

what is with me lately? i sleep, i eat, watch some tv, cinemaone marathoning for two days, read a short novel that i can't seem to finish, daydream, sleep, bang my head, sleep some more, eat some more... what is THAT? so i start scheming crazy things like walk down UP diliman and go on a street food fest or walk down the block to 70s bistro and check out who's playing or go up to baguio and stalk my favorite people. which are bad plans considering i don't like walking, sweating [in this humidity? ack, no!] or moving a muscle. so then i decided to finally start ljing. and now, i think i won't be able to update anything until, i dunno, doomsday, or when i start being more bored; whichever comes first.

so yeah, i'll rant and rant and rant. or write a novel. hah. life.

to diss or not to diss. that is the question. until the next humid, icky manila -feeling day. toodles!