april twenny one oh-seven

daddy took me to baguio with him to make up for his missing my college graduation last year.

i was supposed to go up a day earlier but my plans had been foiled. so boo, i missed THE historical graduation. oh well.

when people ask me why i went to baguio, i'd say, "may bago kasi akong muffler eh hindi ko magamit sa maynila kasi mainit doon." haha. yan naman ang sagot. :D

i wouldn't really know how a camera works.

yeah, it's an attempt mostly at photography [if these would qualify as photographs, haha]. i don't even know the specs of my digicam, but seeing the beauty of God's creation, i can only wish i captured on-cam what my eyes saw. i hope my camera lenses can translate the awe i felt basking in God's magnificent work.

oh for the record, i tried. i really did. :D

Viva El Muerta

I am plagued with thoughts on death lately. No, I am far from being suicidal, thankyouverymuch. And no, not because I have doubts of where I’ll go when I die. On that note, I am very sure who’s welcoming me after cremation. Hello, Lord Jesus! Part of me just can’t wait for that day to happen as I am excited at the prospect of spending eternity with my Lord.

Death comes to me positively; what I mostly think about is that thing that comes before death. I do believe most people call it life [forgive me, I wouldn’t know for it seems that I don’t have one, hehe]. Seriously now, thinking about death is basically also considering life.

Death is sweet because there will be no more pain, no more sinning, no more sleepless nights just thinking about crush-likes-me-likes-me-not [at least for those who are assured of that]. But then, there is life after death, so death is like a transition between THIS life and THAT life. I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to THAT life. [am I speaking in parables?]

Come to think of it, life and death are two inseparable extremes. What bridges them is an eternally debated concept of a greater power [yes, greater than the big bang]. Death is reflective of the kind of life you lead. Similarly, life is an image on the kind of death you perceive.

Life is more than being the absence of death because for some people living means dying and dying is living. Point is, they’re so correlated, and you can’t have one without the other. [insert frank sinatra’s love and marriage intro]

 

When I think about death, I wonder if mine will affect people so much. I don’t exactly dream of a Princess Di funeral, but something similar to it. Tito Bob’s acceleration to the high heavens made me appreciate life even more. Clearly, with the type of memorial service he had, he led a very God-pleasing life- touching a lot of people’s lives and bringing them closer to the Lord. Would I have the same memorial he had? Would Jesus be excited to call me home as much as I am excited to be called home?

As far as I know, I want a party at my funeral. Where people are sad at my passing away but are happy at the same time that I’m in a better, happier place.

There shall be no regrets in my life. I will live everyday as if it’s my last and say the words I’ve been meaning to say to everyone that matters. [Fine, leave junk food alone, because even if we all die, it’s good to die beautifully, sans the blemishes junk food contributes.] Share the gospel as often as I can, too.

 

tara na byahe tayo!

maligayang pag-alis sa maynila! *clap clap*

mga kids off to a new journey. camp humayan shall be taken by storm. esbi baguio kakawayan camp!

syempre may i hatid naman ang lola for bilins and last-minute deconstruction. hello KC 2007!

under construction

i've limited shots... busy-busyhan [kuno] ng very hard. haha.

the Lord really spoke. it's time we move. :D

duets

steph, hehe, pie is my darling mare from le mountains. we met again because of work [haha! such a foreign concept!]

ayan, pie, para sa yo.

yes yes josiah's the best!

random green moments. yeah yeah, ignore the green. haha.

let the tears flow then wipe from the cheeks

hanggang ngayon tinatanong ko pa rin kung bakit kailangan magpakasal ang mga taong nagmamahalan at gustong bumuo ng pamilya.

may naisip na akong tanungin. noong bata pa ako, may mga bagay na siya lang nakakapag explain ng medyo natatanggap ko. gaya ng kung bakit hindi demonic ang eraserheads o kaya kung bakit ang mga kulto ay hindi katanggap tanggap. yung mga sa totoong buhay eh mababaw na tanong pero nabibigyan niya ng lalim. kasi may laman naman talaga.

kaya lang kinuha na siya ng Lord kagabi. hindi ko alam kung paano magreact. kasi alam kong siya lang makakasagot ng tanong ko sa ngayon.

wala na yung senior pastor namin. wala na si tito bob.

madaya. nandun na siya sa gusto kong puntahan. madaya talaga. hindi man lang nasagot yung tanong ko. sayang kasi siya pa naman yung magkakasal sakin. pero di pa rin nasasagot yung tanong ko.

hi kuya bob, salamat sa pagpapalaki ng maayos sa mga magulang ko. salamat sa votes of confidence [kareees, nakakatuwa ka talaga magsalita noh, kuhang kuha mo yung audience noh; kareees, ang ganda ganda talaga ng boses mo, maglead ka na ng praise and worship; kareees, magmember ka na sa church; karees, para ka talagang mommy mo napakalambing hehehehe].

salamat din po pala for suggesting to name me xaris. pa-autograph kay cs lewis ah pag nagkita kayo jan. pa-apir na rin kay paul, bilib ako dun eh. rock on tito bob, rock on. :)

You've raised them well tito bob. :)

i turned phlegmatic overnight.

of all the days to be "normal" i had to pick yesterday. the imossible has happened. the xaris partied in *gasp* her uniform *squirms* at the wedding essentials dinner party at the rockwell tent. geez. i was there in shocking green while the rest of the industry was in their party clothes which don't even compare to my xaris-normal days. where were my four inch heels and vintage ensembles when i needed them?? why does it always rain on me? why? why rockwell why?

on the plus side [depends how you look at it], i found out that i was actually working for one of the top wedding suppliers in the country. hah, talk about downsizing my area of work. i had no idea. but it all dawned on me last night *hallelujah chorus*  yes yes josiah's  the best!

it was a bit shocking too to find out that my boss practically knows everyone at the party, making beso after every five steps, to some soshalera-ever and half the party hall. oh rawr. so that's what PR is about. it was funny, actually becauce ma'am jet has always been "just ninang jet" all my life when she is in fact a biggie in the wedding industry.

funny too how i realized i am anti-social after all contrary to previous claims. last night got me thinking whether stardom really is for me. so now, i resolve to strut my stuff no matter what it takes. hah. that's the spirit!

i now come to the conclusion that this is not yet the time for my star to shine. there are a lot more stardust to collect. but but but that doesn't have to mean i will never glimmer. believe me, i will. consider this a training ground, i always say.

tomorrow i will be sanguine again.

because i was tagged

Each player of this game starts off by making a weblog post, listing ten(10) weird things/habits or little known facts about himself/herself, then tagging six (6) other bloggers to do the same. no tag backs.

okay here goes...
1. i used to play basketball and wanted to be a pro. i was really young then, prolly around seven or eight. when all my peers opted to play with dolls, i shot hoops with my kuya on a self-made basketball ring. and then i thought i'd become really good and join wnba someday. but i turned gay and decided that my basketball dreams will have to take the side lines because it's way funner watching the guys play.

2. i thought that toys actually move when i turn out the lights and go to bed. i was obsessed to prove that i was right, i put in all my toys around my bed [so they wake me up when they want to play] but found them neatly on the shelves when morning came. i thought that that proved my theory only to find out that my brother hates what i'm doing so he packs all my toys as soon as i doze off.

3. i put mayo in corned beef and adobo. it's yummy, i swear!

4. i like to scratch anything itchy and make it bleed so i would stop scratching.

5. when i was ten or nine, i had this notebook where i wrote short stories and made my own illustrations. i thought i'd publish it one day until i can't remember where i put it. i was so shattered i never wanted to write a storybook again.

6. no matter how much i deny it, i think fairy tales are the best invention for cure of boredom. i love fairy tales... every other day. that's why i love love disney, they make everything magical.

7. stalking is the best past time in the world. when i was in high school, i could fill out a whole slum book about my crush without me ever having to talk to him. i guess the habit grew on me because until college i found so many interesting things about my "prospect of the month," being fed with necessary, volunteered information.  yes,

sinabsolution

, hello! :)

8. before the gay, kikay interior i now have, i was into a lot of, erm, "dark" things [but not fully gothic, that's too much for me] like heavy metal music, grunge rock, a lot of black, silver bling blings, messy, unkempt dos. luckily i never had suicidal tendencies, i just dabbled into a lot of morbid and creepy things. before emo was, i am. hehe.

9. i am a big fan of greek... everything! from literature to culture to geography to food to language to greek men, hehe. i haven't really gotten around to studying more about it, but when i do, that would be one big dream checked off my list.

10. contrary to popular belief, i am not friendly. i don't make friends easily and as much as possible i refuse to take the initiative. if i really, really like someone to be my friend, i don't approach that person. i make sure someone else introduces us first. but i'm a keeper. if i have made a friend, it's for keeps in its truest sense.

now i'm tagging... *drum roll*

rominaiza

,

sinister_vision

,

hellobebe

,

orange_stardust

, pie and jiar.

because this is what doting fans do

yeahbah my oh-so-favorite

hellobebe

for this video with my oh-so-favorite

pinggoy

in the world. iamsuchafanthankyoubow.

click me!
or not...hmmm, wonder watisap.

funny how they should be portraying the sordid tale that is my lurvelife [or lack of it thereof]... oo na, given i wasn't really the inspiration for this pero bakit ba gusto ko magdrama eh. ganun talaga pag may mga heart shwarla, kala mo lahat ng bagay eh patama sayo. huwag nang umangal. moment to ng mga favorites ko. nyahahaha.

i don't like callalily, for the record. yun lang. bow.

i love love thursday!

charing!

chirang!

yehey, finally after ten billion years, i shall show you my baguio, erm, escapade [using that word gives me the creeps, dunno why].

see? me and pine tree almost equals baguio. and and and, i get to wear pink and bandannas and layered clothes... it's not something you can do on a daily basis in hot hot manila so this is such a relief for me.

i went to klite right after i "parked" my stuff at home [yeah, i have a home in baguio, how cool is that?] and found the reason why i need to stay in for good, haha. meet hadi. the seventeen-year-old half-arabian, half-egyptian, half-filipino [yes, he's "three halves" haha, that kid's so adorable.] he's training for interactive, great timing i had, huh. bad trip ngay coz he called me "ate xaris!" rawr. ayos ba yun? plus he's such a bubbly, charming dude who is "humerous" [give him a break, he's still a kid]... and erm, spelling-challenged [thanks jerry, for pointing that out].

meet my love. choco-vanilla affair at volante's is LURVE. i can't do it justice if i start describing how this dessert satiates the palate with a mix of hot and cold gastronomic delight. nyeh. i had two in less than a two-hour interval. rawr. volante is love [diba diba?] i didn't mind having to wait for a seat since it was jampacked when we got there. [sabi sanyo, marami talagang tao sa session, kadiri, haha.]

welcome to john hay! i was on tourist mode and i just had to john hay myself. oh rawr, barok.
i guess it's one of those places i've never really bothered to go to except for random picnics with my friends or if stalking required me to be there, nyahahaha. but chyeah, it welcomed me just the same. lookie pine trees!

and there's burnham lake. yuckie i know. but i found out that the lake is only three feet deep 

so it isn't too deadly. what would kill you if the boat would capsize is the, erm, not nice things that can be found down under. congratulate me, i didn't scream... much. and there were these tourists who bumped into our boat [expertly driven by manong togs, hehe] and this girl from the other boat was all, "oh my gad [sabay irap]" in a tacky bonnet and tacky clothes. so i go, "eew, jologs. and it's not oh my gad, it's oh my gawd." erm, i just had to tell you.

well... i have a lot more pictures here, so go on ahead and take a look. don't forget to comment or leave insults [coz i pretty much do that to other accounts, nyahaha]. tara na byahe tayo!

last day, boohoo

flames to dust... lovers to friends... why do all good things come to an end? -nellie furtado

the station that sounds, erm, looks like no other

welcome to k-lite in bloom. i dropped in late with carmela, uh, i was nervous. yeah like you'd better believe it.

it was so kewld mehn. meet my crush. hehe.

turista!

yaan mo na.

the return of the comeback.

these people are love. my family in baguio who embraced me and loved my kakikayan and kaartehang very hard. who call me ate xai and text k-lite's textline to announce inanities and hear me plug it. yup.

kids who ransack our home to spend the night knowing that we can be bribed with food and talk.

someday soon, i'll earn a living through blogging

snagged form

sinabsolution

.

Leave a comment here and I'll...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with a song / movie.
3. Tell a random fact about you.
4. Tell a first memory about you.
5. Associate you with an animal / fruit.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. In return, you must post this in your own LJ.

::::::: (",) :::::::
i am currently addicted to happyslip! i want to do what she does but i'm afraid i'd be too shy and i have everything against stealing concepts. call it plagiarism memo [the half sheets they pass around every semester] overdose. if there's anything i learned in school, that would be it.

her sketches are so funny i can't stop quoting her. "eew, speanuts, eew."  i absolutely love her humor. plus she's so pretty. and really talented.

sunday swingin'

just how much longer can i hold on to being idealistic? and how much "bragging rights" have i taken out of my four years stay at the country's premiere state university? how long can i resist being lured [or duped] into getting aboard the call center wagon?

why i think i want it:
1. it pays big time.
2. i think i would fit in.
3. did i mention it pays big time?

why i know i don't want it:
1. because i did not slave away for a communications diploma to be insulted by irate callers.
2. because the country did not pay for my tuition just so i can amass great wealth for myself.
3. because i hate graveyard shifts.
4. because i don't want to do what everyone else is doing.
5. because i'm too scared of people. hah?
6. because i hate americans. hehe, biro lang.
7. because i'm too mayabang for my own good.
8. because i said i'd never be caught dead working for one. *gulp*
9. because i said i'd never work for money.

but but but it pays big time!

i have lost it. it's not that i have anything against working in that kind of atmosphere. my problem is that i want to work in a call center because i want instant gratification translated to oodles and oodles of moolah. it's a sad day when i decide to throw away everything i've believed in just for money. i guess this is rooted from calculating without God. He promised he'd provide but selfish me needs to get things her way.

one can never have enough. and if i suddenly turn to call centers to satisfy my want for moolah, then i would know that i have been eaten by the system governing the world. and it's something i've tried to avoid as long as i can remember.  the whole point of my wanting to be different will be completely meaningless if this day comes. my whole existence will be utterly pointless because that meant i threw God's sovereignty in my life out the window.

and that's a lot scarier than being poor.

::::::: (",) ::::::::
i had this massive crush on a guy when i was in high school. like really big. and for some reason, i dreamed about him in full length, meaning, there was a clear plot in my reverie and a smooth flow of transitions and scenes. i must have napped for about five hours.

the strange thing is that i haven't thought about the guy for the longest time. hullo, high school was a lifetime ago. but every time i dream of him, it happens on the same setting: the high school gym. and then he always comes up to me and i always, always found insults to throw at him. the dream me always shuts up after the insult then the dream sequence ends.but this time, we actually had a meaningful conversation. and it was so real i woke up smiling.

maybe a part of me still has not gotten over my crush. i guess he's one of the good things that happened to me in high school. and he will never know. [haha cheesy cliche, yes.]
happy week one and all!

ohyou'dbetterbelieveiwanttosavethempoorpolarbears

this is my plan for the week [since it's the v-week and all that jazz]:

1. read love stories [you know the sweet valley kinds of no-brainer american teen romance pocket books] and load up on chick lits.

2. stock our refrigirator with loads of ice cream reserved only for moi.

3. make cards for my family and friends with a save the polar bears campaign [i am so not done with it].

4. volunteer for a charity thing so i can spread the love in a different way.

5. set the world record for the lovapaloozer 2007 [oh, i think i already did this].

6. send love letters to all my ex crushes. oh wait, that's a bit impossible considering i have ten billion ex crushes.

7. convince my friends to send me a "secret admirer" bouquet of stargazers.

8. hate cupid more.

9. ask my girl friends for a night out [that is if they're not planning anything special for the night].

10. pester my dada to take me out for dinner because i'm sure momsy thinks it all too cheesy. haha. or ask any member of my family out to dinner or make them dinner or eat all their dinner hahahaha.

11. or practice shooting with them airsoft peeps and accidentally-on-purpose shoot the cutest unattached dude within range.

what do you suggest?

whatgivesyoutheideathati'mabitteroldhagjustbecauseihatevalentines?

Tick tock to Valentines Day is five more days. All I have is five more days of finding me that eternally elusive prince charming. I do declare, prince charming is gay!

Call me the valentine scrooge. Bah humbug all the lovey dovey shiz. A few more years of this, I might become the valentine grinch and I will steal all the heartsy fartsy red letter, cupid, flowery hullabaloo that valentines is. Thank my lucky stars, I have more compassion than bitterness. Oh please believe it.

I have nothing against v-day. I do have everything against making it a singles-awareness day. Christmas, you can always spend with family and friends so nobody really can say they are lonely. Birthdays, ditto. But v-day? If you’re unattached, you either spend it alone, with other single friends or… mostly alone. I have everything against people who use this day to commercialize romance and love. What the heck is the deal with lovapalooza plus all the valentine concerts that lovebirds use as an excuse to get together? Doing this leaves out the unpaired, absolutely wonderful people. *raises hand like an eager grade school kid* Rawr.

And like what Myka [my sister’s friend] says, all the warmth and heat of Valentines Day can cause dire effects on the planet. Read: global warming. Polar ice caps shall go a-melting and imagine the aftermath of that. “Save the polar bears!”

Why am I bothering to do this? Because.

Let me be the first to extend warm greetings from the heart for February 14… Save the Polar bears!

eugene's fans club 2007

cupcake, applepie and lollipop make great sweets and treats. hurray for the years! :)

because i miss this

This is a bad combination: a full moon and me on PMS [duhr, it stands for post girl thing]. Just imagine how highly unstable I am these days. Lunatic and hormonal. Oh yeah, it’s to die for. My weirdness scale has tipped considerably towards the danger zone that I can hear warning sirens on my head.

::::::: (",) :::::::

I have been waiting for Deal or no Deal to contact me. I want to join that blasted money contest primarily because I want to be seen on TV. And sure, take home big money. And I mean BIG money. Something tells me I will win millions. Haha.

::::::: (",) :::::::

Lately, I find myself engaged in conversations with random, unsuspecting people. Like the manong jeepney driver who told me sob stories about his family. He sends his eldest child to college and two more kids to high school. And his only means of income is jeepney driving. He then lamented on how crudo is too expensive and how the LRT killed his business and how extremely unjust it is that he has to meet a boundary and all that’s left of him is a measly two hundred bucks which he has to split for his kids’ allowance and meals for a day. And that sweet manong, bless his soul, did not want me to pay my fare because “gagarahe na [siya], daan na lang [ako] sa pwede [kong] sakayan.”

Indeed, count your blessings. My thoughts on that on another day. 

And when I hear stories from other people I have come to know or talk with, parang pang-Maalaala Mo Kaya. And then I think about how blessed I am even when my life is not perfect. I mean, my only hang up is how to be a star while the rest of the world is struggling to live and make a living.

I always tell myself that I want to be famous para makatulong sa mahihirap [it’s nicer in tagalong. at oo yan talaga ang dahilan]. And today, I have never been more sure that I really, truly, madly, deeply want that.

GTreat!

even GT's need a break. why ba?

ishma burthday 2006

i turned twenny one, it's my debut, so we had to partay! :)

my last breha open house

open house= everyone gets to see your dorm room and you make them believe that you are the neatest person on the planet. i'm so glad it lasts only a day.

random camwhoring

there are days when you have to do this.

it started with a couch

tita vilma [the coolest adult ever] always puts on OT hours. with an office like this, ah eh, wala nang uwi uwi.

sbc@33

happy thirty three! :) i love this family of God.

any day with these weird people aka my family

dia is my sister who was a japanese in her past life hence grad dinner in saisaki.

meet the gang.
oh yeah, we're related. hehe.

last production na ito

and this is not even for a major broadcasting subject.
go polsci major wannabes.
at pansinin niyo, ni walang kuha ng equipment. ayos ba yun?

i.v.c.f.

sana nakikinig sila sa corporation report

mga random get togethers in the most unexpected places.

joy club cum builders cum anubi tutubi

ransack the versoza's residence while mum and dad are away! hurray!

new year 2007

better than the pyrolympics... almost. :)

wedding bells

what happens if an unstable, unusually psychotic, NBSB kid works at a bridal supplier?

all hell breaks loose. hehe.

working here gives me more time to plan for my wedding. hah. better plan now than panic later, i always say. and hey, it's not like i have tons of things to do. pfft.

and i just realized... all my wedding dreams [from invites to ceremony] are bordering on weird and weirder. is it my fault i'm not a fan of convention? it's not as if it's illegal to fly eagles instead of doves at the reception. or make the minister dress up like gandalf. or wear a purple hispanic veil. or walk down the aisle with a superman/lotr theme song. diba? diba? it's never wrong to add twists on that one important day in [my] life.
could this be exactly why i am staying at an NBSB status?

ooh, interesting.

cool meme snatched from

makibaka

. yahoo.

So, say you were meeting a new person--blind date, new friend, who knows. And you wanted them to have some idea of what kind of person you are, and who you are. But you can't actually tell them in so many words. Instead, you have to give them a box, with a dozen things in it for them to look at/read/listen to/taste/whatever. What would you put in the box? And a copy of your journal or a link to your LJ would be the same thing as just telling them directly, yourself, so that's not allowed.

1. huge earrings
2. jimmy choo cut outs
3. quill or pens with fluff
4. mocha latte
5. chronicles of narnia
6. a blank bratz/barbie/purple notebook
7. born lippy raspberry
8. cucumber melon lotion/perfume
9. stargazers
10. the learning tree album, haha
11. fabric swatches
12. the book of psalms with chapter 23 and 139 highlighted.

wow.bading na bading.

april twenny one oh six

after four years...whew.

ayos ba yun?

i browse kc concepcion's multiply. really depressing. but i love her to pieces because i love her mom lots. yeah sharonians go!

::::::: (",) :::::::
today, i passed off another opportunity to be a star. i have reached a year's quota of foiled sparkle plans. i know there is a chance that i wouldn't be able to make it. what irks me is that i didn't even try. when am i ever going to step up and reach the stars?

::::::: (",) :::::::
plan B: make them come to me.

bukas luluhod ang mga tala.

oh.my.shooting.stars.

http://xalai.livejournal.com
twinkle twinkle.
you know you want to... :)

the xaris

http://www.friendster.com/xalai
add me anytime. brdbrain8@yahoo.com

i'm nice like that.

sana maulit muli

confession: i watch that sappy soap on channel two with the two teeny-boppers with foreign last names. meanie. what can i say, i'm gravitating towards the mushy and inane. but pfft. i like watching it.

anyway, the plot goes something like if only [the j.love hewitt movie] where the guy gets to live out the past again [sorta like deja vu] so he can spend more time with the love of his life who passed away. and then he gets the chance to undo all his mistakes yadda yadda. i like plots with a dying lead. makes the whole thing more realistic. death makes life real.

so here, pinoy version, the guy gets to rewind what had happened. but like any pinoy appraoch to a recycled plot, there is a catch. he can't change the course of history which means he has to keep things all to himself and he can't do anything about the girl dying. so the girl still dies eventually. all he did was buy time to catch up and enjoy every moment left with the girl.

he chose to rewind because he wanted to spend more time with the girl. at the back of his mind, he wanted to change what's bound to happen so the girl doesn't have to die. of course, he can't do that. he knew that the girl will die 'at the takdang oras' whether he likes it or not. ayos ba yun. the lovesick hero chose to backtrack just the same.

if i were given the option, tas mamamatay din yung SO ko, wag na uy. no deal [as if kris aquino will suddenly appear and ask me the life-changing question]! i don't think i can bear to lose someone twice. pass na lang.

ayun. na-share ko lang.

prelude to april twenny one

ilang sandali bago yun.

geliques*xalai

ayun.magpicture-an sa dilim. sa rooftop. go.
angelika came back to the philippines after migrating down under four years ago.
and she lost most of our pictures. hahaha.

efc-licious

that was in araneta coliseum's parking lot. last i saw, napalitan na,hahaha

nung isang araw na nagkita ulit sila.

96.7 k-lite

nothing else sounds, erm, looks as good.

esbi

sila.love.

my life up there. *misses*

doon

yung batang nanggugulo sa mga opisina sa baguio

with zeik my bopren. nyahaha.

transitions

the xaris is a corporate brat.

i threw a tantrum yesterday because i did not get the planner i wanted. i raised my voice at my supervisor because she was not paying attention to me. i interrupted the sales meeting because i felt like doing an impersonation.

i update my friendster and blog and play solitaire when the company email/website is taking too long to respond. i spin around in my swivel chair and roll to different tables when i'm bored. i talk a lot. sing a lot. make noises a lot. when somebody points that out, i throw another tantrum.

all the while i am trying to be grown up; to be an adult who duly pays her taxes and comes to work on time. but there are just days that you feel that life is unfair for throwing you out into the real world too fast, too soon. i am grateful that the first transition phase came easy for me; that i never had a hard time looking for a job and i mean it literally. i never went company-hopping, resume-floating, or ayala/ortigas/makati-strolling to land a decent paying work. i thought that was the end of the student-workforce transition.

i'm in the middle of crossing over from a generic brat to i don't know. they say i have to be a grown up whatever that means. but i refuse to be a thirty-year-old adult when i'm only twenny one. there will be times when i will definitely act up intentionally or otherwise because that's what twenty-one-year-olds do.  i'm new at this. nobody should expect me to know precisely what to do in any given situation. i won't be hard on myself because i am making room for mistakes. because i know i am entitled to making them. [haha]

someday, i'll get over being childish or childlike, whatever you call it.  and someday, i will have to make only a few mistakes [and that's assuming i learn from them now]. someday still, i will tell a twenty-year old what to do and there's only one thing i can tell that [un]fortunate kid: pace yourself.

my officemates are giving me dagger looks now for blogging. i smile.

get real

it's officially one month since buhbye baguio may-i-cry-pa-sa-jeep-kamusta-naman. and i am getting used to the idea that going back there again has to be planned, not like my spontaneous trips where i can hail a bus as if i were just travelling from quezon city to quiapo. things are way different now from how it had been in the last four years when i had to catch a six-hour bus to get to school or to go on air. it is a bit unsettling that i can't have volante-cravings and get into a cab that would bring me to session road instantly. here, pizza delivery isn't as fun as actually going to the resto clad in jammies. and what's more, every trip to/in baguio is duly funded.

not that i'm not enjoying being home. but for those who have spent a considerable number of years up north, you get my drift.  baguio meant "working holiday" for me even when most of my time spent there was for schooling purposes.

anyway, as for working as opposed to studying, i'd say... erm, i really don't know. it's definitely more liberating to earn your own money and spend it any way you like. but in terms of having to live "on your own" and not being able to charge everything on daddy's plastic is a whole different ball game. wait, different is an understatement.

i got my first pay slip yesterday. it was whopping. translated: more than what i expected. but with the bills i had to shoulder and my sister's allowance plus an occasional "social" life, i would have to work harder if i were to save up for a euro trip in five years. working hard has never been in my vocabulary much less work. there is no way i could incorporate it in my system now. [and that is the brat in me talking]

orange_stardust

 is right. it is indeed quite a challenge to grow old and up.

out of my parents' shadows, i now realize that i don't even have a cent to my name. my being a working girl somehow drove my oh-so-loveable manufacturers to cut off their financial support and have me battle it out in the world of finance all by myself. hah. *whappak* fortunately, lil' ol' me can get away with freebies from patriarch and matriarch separately. but apart from the board, lodging and occasional luxuries, i'm on my own.

i'm trying to console myself with the perks i get. after all, contentment is a choice. i may not have everything wrapped around my finger and heck, the world does not yield to my every beck and call, but there is a certain peace that comes to me when i realize life is good. it's a blessing that i don't have to resort to drastic measures to eat three square meals a day and have a roof on my head. [although working at this point seem a bit drastic to me, haha].

and you know what else? i'ma change from being a baguio-funk-fashion junkie to a corporate, sophisticated manila working girl. yeah, like that's going to happen. sheesh.

sheer weirdness

[the xaris is on goth mode today]

the xaris feels deep emotions as to how it is the second week of january but the xaris is not on her way to tread higher grounds [read: baguio]. the xaris is disturbed. the homecoming in december is beginning to feel temporary. it is not just a Christmas break.

[the xaris stops being on goth mode]

someone please remind the xaris that home is now here and not there.

::::::: (",) :::::::

move over cindy.

Happy 22nd revolution around the earth cinderella. i love love you more than words can say.

cindy g. was my classmate in high school and we have been friends since then. [on and off on our first year coz she's too normal for the whacked emo kid i was] lucky to call her one of my best friends.

cindy g. is a camera whore. a genius [i used to copy off her math homework, hehe]. a very dedicated person [once she sets her mind on something]. a loving cousin. a pink-crazed fashionista. a model-thin beauty. a call girl [hehe, you go girl!]. loveth thee like whoa.

get that diploma, honey! :)

2007 resolutions

i was leafing through my journals one night the moon was full [i had to mention this because i get crazy with a beautiful, round moon] and i ended up backtracking to my january entries. funny how i never outgrew making new year's resolutions. and in keeping up with crazy traditions, hehe...

time for 2007 XARIS-olutions. [who, me, self-absorbed? pfft.]

1. get healthy and fit. i am starting to panic and be more aware of my health because i keep hearing a lot of deaths and sicknesses. i know i want to expire before or when i turn 25 but i have to be healthy while i'm alive, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. diba? diba?
2. make more disciples. sana makapg GT ako sa arneow.
3. learn more about God. have the mind of Christ. [this is really tough]
4. sing in church, yehey!
5. quit being mean. where do i begin?

erm, yan na lang muna.

every year, i keep asking for THAT one thing and every year it never happens. but i never stop wishing. because one day, i know, it's going to surprise me when i least expect it. hurray for dreams.

::::::: (",) :::::::
i know i resolved to stop being mean but here comes my cruel side again... must stop... i have to stop now.

moving on...

why is this hard? [and i am talking to myself.] 

ewan

have you ever had one of those days when you look like a total slouch? and just when you decide to deviate from your usual "coolness," the man of your dreams shows up and sits beside you on a public utility vehicle? there's no escaping him. you can't make pa-cute owing to the fact that you are a disaster. 

here's hoping that your dream guy turns out to be really, really bad.

anyway, it's too early to rant, si ima just go and take quizzes. hehe. :)

	I, the xaris, being of sound mind, hereby bequeath my entire estate to my pet rock. I do this because I support their plans of evil world conquest. My only regret in this life was that I didn't wash behind my ears.
'What will your Last Will and Testament say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

	the xaris discovered a new genre of music by mixing country with hip hop.
	... afterward, the xaris became an ideal and disappeared.
	'How will you be remembered in history books?' at QuizGalaxy.com

gimme chocolates. please and thank you.

a [belated] toast to all the wonderful people [and things] that made my 2006 sweet.

DX. you once again made wrestling watching interesting. i love you shawn michaels. you can break my heart anytime.

High School Musical. thanks for reminding that i can be soaring, flying, there's not a star in heaven that [we] can't reach. and this year, i shall shine because you made me realize that if untalented blokes like you get to be on TV, why can't i? harhar. seriously, you made me believe again. *sighs*

Hagorn, Jr. omg, i can't believe i met you this year! *checks one dream off list*

Baguio City and everything about it. thank you for the four years of fun and life and love. thank you for volante and sm [sige na nga] and UP. and burnham and session [i love session, sana ma-pedestrianize ka na]. andami paaaa...to the wonderful people there...

my SVCF family, i can't tell you how much i'll [or am] miss[ing] you. i want to see you grow pa. reach one more for Jesus. and yes our love will last until eternity. my UB girls. i shall miss you all.

k-lite people. i love love you all. thanks for bearing with my kakulitan and ingay. to everyone who tunes in to the music net and k-lite interactive, get a life. hehe. how could you stand xaris? harhar. wah and the techies who patiently taught me to man the console, ang tyaga, go! and mam let and sir johnny for letting me hang around and make gulo everything, thanks. jeri beri, hehe, you be nice. ate candz, ayabyu. ate wengsters and taray, wah! i miss you!  all the other jocks, tatay, ms.krish, ms.dana, jedi, and soon-to-be-jock hannah grace, keep the airwaves crazy. because nothing else sounds as good as 96.7 k-lite. woohoo!

GT mates. you know. the Lord knows. and yes, it's never good bye, it's see you later. *emo* the velardos, thanks for adopting me.

the pdi people. yeah, you may get away with calling me "the 70's show" but you must admit, i rocked [or messed] the bureau. hah!

lj friends. here's to more entries and bashing and all around niceness. woohoo!

amorsolo 2002. it's been what, six years? angelika, thanks for flying back home. *misses* cindy and kats and pat we'll fly to gel. *wishes*

the aliens who live in the projects aka my family. and those in the ritzier part of the metro.

Josiah's Catering, Inc. thanks for giving me my first hosting job. yehey. and with sikat people too.

my SBC family. may we all strive to be our Lord's kawangis. we are getting there. see you in the promised land. to all the pastors, grabe, ouch every sermon. may the Lord use you as His mouthpiece everyday. yeah, kuya dave, you rockS! and tito bob, you have the biggest heart [literally and figuratively, hehe]. tita vi, you're still the coolest adult i know. joy club, ay builders na pala. even now, i still look up to you all.

2006 is waaay sweeter. gotta lot more to thank the Lord for. andami masyado. loads more. like really.

Manila. may we be acquainted once more.

cheers. *toasts*