twenny ten!

proves that i failed to take pictures when it counted. ;)

just the same, every year with the Lord is sweeter than the year before! :D

if 2010 were a person, i'd be giving it a huge bear hug. cheers, 2011!

*photo credits:
ate riz for most of the pics, haha :P
tito dave for Hillsong and TG Christmas
kuya nate for Zaaci the baby toy
kuya buboy for Mel and Joey

isang 2am sa opisina ng mel and joey

hindi po totoo na nababaliw na kami.

hindi po talaga.
promise.

once upon a time in bicol

mel and joey summer special. :)

room mate series 2: jeanxie

bespren! :D

Past the Silver Deadline

I made an agreement with myself that I will live no longer than twenny five years. I do not want to grow old as I do not want to bore myself to death.

Funny that I have done so many outrageous things for my health to fail and yet I'm still around, wasting the world's supply of oxygen. Since it does not seem like I am going anywhere soon, I thought perhaps there must be something I am meant to do, a second chance to get my life together notwithstanding the crises I have successfully denied getting into.

You see, I am seriously considering applying for law school. It has to be UP Law or I don't go at all. First off, my dad has to agree that this is a good thing for me. I have already received thumbs up from my mom, close friends, my siblings, and the street vendor from whom I bought a mint gum.

It doesn't scare me at all, the thought of going to law school and eventually becoming a lawyer. Juris Doctors is the degree offered in UP Law. I mean, what are the chances that I will actually pass the LAE, right? I have gone on grace since I can remember and never in my life have my own merits gotten me somewhere. If I were to rely on my brains (which functions are bordering on questionable already), I will be found wading in the proverbial kangkungan. So it's not really up to me and so I have nothing to worry about. Grace. Grace. Grace.

That sounds like a plan. And finally after ten years of marking the deadline, I am actually pretty excited about missing and living past the silver mark. Hurray for me, I guess. :)

Lipat Bahay

Thinking of a new blog name brings me back to memories from high school (the part where I was not home schooled) when I had to decide on a column name for our school newspaper. I could be mistaken but I think I called it The X Files then. Maybe I didn't. I couldn't really remember much from those days. Heee.

I'm thinking of moving to wordpress since my livejournal is practically inactive and well, my multiply blog might as well be dead for not getting any visits.

Here's what I'm playing around with:
1. thexarischronicles
2. brightlightsandthexaris
3. xarisinwonderland
4. noyoumaynot
5. xarismeansgrace

pero sana may Biblical something din. Help me pick a name please.

Aww, Naman, Hay

Just when I was looking through my fourth grade picture that my friend posted (and illegally tagged* me to) on facebook, I get a glimpse down Patty Laurel's blog and the memories that came with it when she was that age, too. All I could do was tear up for various reasons like 1) her story was so kilig-worthy that it makes me go 'aaaawwww' 2) Atom A was also in my crush ranks at the time that it makes me go 'namaaaaan' and 3) she's just so good with words that it makes me go, 'haaaay.'

I would have loved to be the one who wrote that blog. To share that story. Maybe not having Atom per se just the thought of your first crush being your last crush and being able to write it like that.

Meh, do I ask for too much? Dear Universe, you are so playing favorites, I'm gonna tell on you!

***
*So about that illegal tagging... I have rules, you see, being that I am the xaris. LOL.

Here's the thing, if you're my facebook friend (or contact in any social networking site that has a tagging function), you may want to remember a few things.

The Xaris Rules for Tagging The Xaris
1. Do not tag the xaris if the xaris is not in the photo.
2. Do not tag the xaris if the xaris is fugleh in the photo.
3. Do not tag the xaris without her consent.

For a privileged few who have not suffered remove tag attacks from moi, they know better and that, I personally believe, should be an example that's worth emulating. Kapeesh?

Blog Number Five

Your Sloth Quotient: 55%

You're definitely lazier than the average person, but you're able to live a somewhat normal life. All your life needs is a little more effort and variety, and you might see that doing hard things is actually fun!

How Much Sloth Do You Have?

I just had to take this quiz. Like I didn't know the answer to that. Where in the world would I get more effort and variety?

Days like these cause me to rethink the meaning of life. Nah, I don't really get that much far into the thought process... maybe that's what's killing my brain cells. I used to like to think. To argue with myselves over the simplest and the grandest topics. Sadly though, when there are people who'd actually get into a no-nonsense discussion with me, I tend to be a konkerhead.

What can I do to prevent bobo-phases? I surround myself with brilliant people, that should be enough stuff to rub off on me, right?

I need a resolution and soon. I always say that and nothing happens. Maybe this time by not saying it something concrete will finally happen.

I find myself tired all the time and I catch myself saying 'hate, hate, ayoko na' quite too often. Where did my bubbly self go? Where did the smiley doofus who had on layers and layers of clothes hie off? I used to sing and dance in the rain, roll on the grass, run in heels, talk to myself and not care what anyone thinks. When did I start caring?

Hah, I'm in a rut. My life is ending.

Blog Number Four

What do you know, after this, I can slack off until Friday for that last blog then hoo-hah, one thing off my list. So what were the other four things?

I seriously cannot remember.

Seriously.

Ate Ivy or Ate Riz has to remind me, please.

So today, I finally had my permit renewed. The one I got in 2008 was totally useless as I was not able to practice driving then because I'm a moron and I had all the excuses in the world not to drive. I have run out of excuses. Consider this a public testament that I, the xaris, will be officially part of the roads of Metro Manila (so help me, God) this year and that I'm not afraid anymore.

Oh but I'm sanguine. Who knows when I wake up in the morning, I'd lose the excitement and revert to my slothish self, relying on cabs and our driver to get me anywhere. But no, this must stop. And I am driving this!

(not the real Edward). I can't take a good picture of him for some reason. I'll try again in the morning. Heee. <3

No congratulations until I am able to really take it out into the streets.

Blog Number Three

Maybe blogging's dead, or at its early stages of impending demise. With the onset of photoblogs and microblogs, why would a self-respecting web-dependent drone opt to read through or write a whole composition when he could easily browse through or create 140-character updates or pretty pictures along the way?

I think this generation of internet users have a different use for blogging. Nothing's personal anymore. Not like the glory years of tabulas, livejournal, and blogspot when 'bloggers' randomly spurted out thoughts and not care what anyone thinks but liked to have comments anyway. I guess my network just gave up on the thought of using internet time to pry into each other's deep, personal issues or whatnot.

At some point, I am gulity of quitting the written expression realm of intarnetz. It has been a long time since I deliberately lurked to check new entries on my blogroll (not that I have any; I just knew who to follow then). And yes, this may be due to lack of time and oh my gosh I think this is the age group where we outgrow things we did three years back.

I'm trying to recall the blogs I frequently visit in the past and how cool it was to nod and say, sometimes outloud, 'yeah, right on!' I don't have that luxury now.

Saturday over coffee with my ates, I got to thinking that perhaps this generation is much too busy that all they can afford are status updates, a link to a photo here and there, one click to like, retweet, reblog, share...

If they're too busy, how come some of them still have time to cultivate farms and whip up a mean main course on facebook? I guess the strokes are different now. Creativity has taken another form and I am lost in translation.

Am I the only one who likes to kick it old school? (Well, minus the fact that I do not blog in livejournal anymore because I only have three active friends there who are also facebook active)

It is my personal belief that my multiple social networking sites are up for specific reasons. Multiply for photos (and occasional blogging), friendster for memories' sake (just so everyone knows how cool I am for having one in 2003), livejournal for worldy blogs (haha), and facebook for superpoke (and other stuff).

I do not add friends on facebook because I know why people want to expand their network over there.  I am sorry but you have no use for me for your mobs, posses, farms, night clubs, sororities, kitchens, hotels, what have you.

Now I'm thinking maybe it is not such a good thing to be stuck in the jurassic while everyone else has moved on. But I'm not usually one who goes for what is uso, so okay, this is how it's going to be for me. Loner even in cyberspace.

Blog Number Two

Blog-slacked (is a tongue-twister, try it) for a whole week, now I'm down to a little over seven days to get this project off my list.

It wasn't that I didn't have any stories to tell, in fact, there were a lot but draft in and draft out, I can't help but think there is nothing spectacular about what I have to say. I have lost inclinations for writing.

There was a season when I thought I wrote well. I'd fish for compliments from my friends (It pays to keep only a few friends; at least you're sure of the sincerity of your fanbase haha) and they'd be the supportive lot you know they can be. For a while it felt great but sometimes when I read through what I wrote, I feel a lack of depth and sophistication that maybe they were too afraid to point out. 

And they'd have reason to be afraid to hurt my feelings knowing that 1) I can be overly sensitive (though I haven't had this for a long time) and 2) I do not like correction. Yes, I am very mayabang like that. I'd like to believe I've humbled down since the peak of my over-personhood though there's a nasty nagging at the back of my head that says no, some things never change.

Some people say words are powerful; you are who you claim. For the longest time, I have been owning the word mayabang. Thankfully, there was a time when I got a good whack from the Lord that reminded me that if there's anything I need to boast, that would be Him. And now I'm considering all the years past and wonder when was the last time xai was synonymous to mayabang. I forget. It could be because I have been 'sober' or I just fail to claim it but live it anyway.

I am thankful for my many personalities, haha. At least I can do cross-checking with one of them. I'm even more thankful I have very good friends. At least I could get a different perspective from them.

Actually, I was going to tell you about many coffee experiences but other words took over, thus this boring entry. Dear Blog Number Three, please come today.

Blog Number One

In two weeks, before my ate turns twenny seven (ang dami!), there are five things I have to accomplish. Since I'm bent on succeeding at something and two weeks seemed like a good time, we made a list over iced caramel macchiato at 1am-ish.

One of those five things is to blog at least five times within that period. The blogs could be about anything as long as I write five entries; they didn't specify though how long it should go. If I click on save and publish, this would have been one entry already. Being that I am schitz, I am debating with myselves whether to do just that or make this blog longer.

Two paragraphs don't look much so I will have to expand.

Moving on to paragraph number four. I read through my first draft and think how twenny seven is too far apart from twenny six. I am soo glad to be the youngest in our group. That way, they go through growing pains first and I can screen what works for me and avoid those that I cannot imagine handling.

I think this is good enough. I will now proceed to pestering my other sleeping ate because it's almost eight o' clock and she's still snoozing. Maybe because we slept at 3am watching A Walk to Remember and crying over Landon and Jamie. That was mostly me crying, by the way.

This Month is for Falling In Love

Who says you can only be plagued with love in February or days in December?

I say May is good for getting crazy kilig and starry-eyed and peachy and gay.

This narration won't do any good without visual back up so lemme just keep you hanging. Harrr. I'm so, so, inlababo, it's ridiculous. The thought of him makes me smile. He's so... sleek. And NOT IMAGINARY.

My bronchitis is not getting any better, coupled with fever and flu (that conveniently goes away when I most need it) and yet I feel like I can dance and sing in the rain and just die happy.

*hearts* is all i see. *hearts*

Saburday Noon Musings

One of the more interesting things about my job is meeting people with fascinating life stories. We were allowed an interview with one of the more reclusive bigwig types of the high and mighty and I was truly astounded for the opportunity.

There she was, an old lady turning 86 who has accomplished so many things and yet still has so much to live for. She still goes to the office to check on everything, walks in heels and finds it uncomfortable to parade in flats. She talks animatedly, with a sparkle in her eyes recalling all the wonderful moments of her life.

I look at her and listen to her stories intently and wonder how can she still be so full of life at her age while I am slowly dying away at mine.

All Friday was spent at work taping here, flying all the way down south for another event, and furnishing editing requirements until 4am. My first meal was at midnight, a measly burger and fries inside a cab because I had to rush back to the office from the event. If it isn't bad enough, the dubbing materials were awful, I didn't have an editing bay to use, the computer wouldn't save my files, my usb was missing, and my eyes were dropping involuntarily.

As if nothing is going right in my life, I tried to patiently breathe it all in and let God teach me a lesson. Then on my morning devotion (which hasn't been so much of a devotion lately) I read about how children of God minister to others without their intending to or as a side-result of what they're really up to.

Then I was asked, 'why do I do what I do? Whose life am I affecting?'

I considered my producers who depended on me to make sure all the aspects in their stories were covered. I thought about our hosts who had to read the researches we submitted so they, too can respond to it. I remembered the news security personnel who continuously asked me to go home already and rest. Then I looked back on the old lady with so much life and regarded how she loved God so much that whatever she did would be for His glory.

Are the things I am doing or the quality of my work worthy of a great God from Whom my talents came? I just tear up evaluating the answer and know that I fall short every single time. Yet God remains faithful and continues to affirm that I am where I am because He put me there. I just hope and pray that when people see me, they see the Master I serve.

Blogging Hiatus Ends Here (?)

I've been meaning to compose a wise, too-brilliant-for-words blog about the things that run in my head (and gosh, the speed they run is quite remarkable) but I'm usually, nay, always reduced to a 140-character limit much thanks to twitter.

For fear that this might yet again turn into a bullet-ed entry, I'm going to try to keep up with the prose in my head. Expect it to lack coherence, proper punctuation, and correct paragraph(ical?) breaks.

Summer's always a good time to sit back and relax and I think perhaps even when summers past have proven to be life-draining (what with being in the Pilipinas work force in the last four years), it still has the right elements for a good muni-muni.

I've resigned to the death of a million (and counting) brain cells in my, well, brain. It is true that I'm getting bobo-er by the minute and thus, I resolve to want to learn something new. To get a new hobby-- hobbies, which do not include sweating, unnecessary contact with mortals, and getting rid of my newfound xainess.

I seem to lose interest in all the things I used to be good at. I feel like an old geezer looking back on glory days when life was much more pleasant and when everything is cause for a celebration. Ask me any day, happy or not, and I'd tell you I want the world to end.

Life on earth is getting pretty old. I'm evaluating what I'm still doing here when I know I'm such a waste of oxygen. Then again, my life isn't about me anymore so I guess God can just call the shots. I only pray that I stop haggling and pestering Him to end it. I need prayers on that aspect. I don't want to be alive and feel dead. But really, I do think the signs of the times are at hand.

I'm thankful that God spares me from a lot of things I'd never imagine getting into. Like break ups. I never want to break up with anyone. I always say that I will get it right the first time. I think the resolution works for me because then I will not hastily jump into something I am not prepared for. They say one can never tell but I say I can start right. Watching all the dramas my friends get into is enough warning that I cannot handle what they're going through right now. I'm thinking Popoy and Basha and I go, no, I cannot live through that, not with my psycho tendencies and drama queen complex.

Thank you, Star Cinema, for immortalizing the issues couples experience.

My baguio friends are in Corregidor and Bataan to celebrate heroes I suppose or enjoy summer. My church buddies were in Tagaytay for a family day, which half of my family attended. My college best friends were in my house so we can catch up with each other and I think having been Manila-bound was actually good for me.

I'm off to Cebu in a while. I had better get a move on. Toodles!

Bottling thoughts is hazardous to your health

At least to mine.

It has been a long time since I actually put what I really feel inside into writing. It is a crazy resolution not to chronicle or immortalize my thoughts for fear of being read or judged or ridiculed. (Three sentences later, I am willing to give up on this entry)

I must have fallen out of love with words. Or they with me. In any case, I struggle to bring my thoughts out unabashedly like I used to. I am back to the process of convincing myself that I can write.

My joyless existence begins. Lord, please end it. The joylessness, I mean. Not the existence. Yet. Hehe.

It's life's valleys that scare me; as if I have to try harder to reach God but then it is He who holds out to me. Then I remember that in trying times, there is joy in suffering because the Lord will always lend His hand to hold. I keep forgetting that His presence is not based on what I feel. His presence is based on who He is and who He says He is. And I trust that, feeling or no feeling.

Got 2 Believe :)

Hello, my name is Xaris and I'm a fangirl. :) Uh yeah, all the way up to their dressing room, baby!

Claudine: Ui, guys thank you talaga. (to me): I'm sorry I didn't get your name...?
Me: (please don't faint, please don't stutter) Kai.
Claudine: Kai, ui thanks ha. *super sweet smile*

*picture picture*

I think I babbled inanities before, during, and after the photo op but she was super nice enough to comment on it and say nice things about fangirlisms.

I did not faint, thank goodness. I did tell her though that I watched all her movies (which I really did!) but I did not mention that the ones I enjoyed best were the flicks with Rico Yan. Heehee.

But hey, I know most of her lines in Got 2 Believe. I would've blurted them all out had it not been for Raymart's presence. And I do remember to pray for her.

Yeep! Fangirl much. It's like meeting your childhood hero, oh yeah, it is exactly like that.

I shut up now. Gnyt for now. Mwah.

Because I Say It's Never Too Late

I'm (re)learning how to play the guitar. In my two years of guitar lessons, I never got past D, G, and A and basic strumming so I suppose going back to scratch is the wisest thing to do now.

Who do I blame for not getting ahead in the guitar musical scene? Let's see. There's the required music class I had to take in high school. Oh wait, I was home schooled, scratch that (I do not like being forced to learn something when I want to take my time. I wonder how I passed music classes though). Or it could be because I broke my newly acquired guitar three days into ownership. Or it might be because I have poor motor skills.

Now that I cannot use any of those reasons (except the skills part), I suppose I can start strumming my way to fame. Bwahaha. I actually just want to learn ONE song. Master it and get on with my life. So wait for it, mortals, I shall try tah amaze you with awesome guitaring skillz. Or not.

My problem is that I want too many things happening at the same time when I know I will ditch the plan anyway and will for the world to end. I really think the world is ending soon. Maybe halfway into a project, the earth will swallow me whole. That sounds more likely than my ever having to accomplish one solid goal.

But I say it's never too late. As soon as I get my act going... (world, please end).

I do believe with all my heart that this is my last year. I must be fabulous.

Lonely Hearts Club

starring:
Kuya EJ as Boy Tibok
Hobbes as Boy Iwas
Ate Riz as Housemate
Ate Mae as Balikbayan/ Boy Girl
moi, sa isang natatanging pagganap. charus.

Pahabol:
Kuya Nikos as Boy (insert any noun here)
Ate Ivy as Hindi Naman Talaga Loveless, Nakikisali Lang
Ate Tin as Girl Drawing

With parental and pastoral supervision of Pastor Dave, Tita Nory, and Tita Norma.


we'd like to thank our sponsors:
te riz and Bright Family Condo (aka squatpad), tostitos, rustan's supermarket, yellow cab, coke, red ribbon, dunkin donuts, nescafe, nestle.

maligayang belly, maligayang puso. all rights reserved.

Why, yes I watched Paano Na Kaya

Watch me blog in tagalog. Erm, taglish.

Para hindi ko maisip na nag-aksaya lang ako ng pera sa panonood ng Paano Na Kaya, starring Kimerald, eh pipilitin ko na lang na may natutunan ako. Moral of the story ika nga.

Eto yung kwento, magbest friends si Kimerald-- si Bogs and May. Si Bogs may jowa na tinulungan ni May na mapasagot. Si jowa nakipagbreak kasi 'immature' si Bogs. Si Bogs naging suicidal. Si May naging erm, friend to the suicidal. Nagmoment si Bogs-- di nya na raw kailangan si May. Nagmoment din si May-- napaamin na mahal niya si Bogs. So naging sila.

Tunog rebound, noh?

But wait, there's more. Umayos ang buhay ni Bogs. Umayos ang buhay ni May. Umayos ang buhay nila together. Swabe na sana nang biglang umappear si ex jowa. Gulo, in short.

Nagkaroon ng moment si May para masabi ang mga katagang ito... 'Sana umiwas ka na lang, maiintindihan ko! Kaso shi-nyota mo ang best friend mo! Shi-nyota mo ako!' Hagalpak sa sinehan. Pero wag ka, striking ang delivery, aylavet!

Ang point ni May, nung nagsabi siya na mahal niya si Bogs, may posibleng dalawang response si Bogs. Either a) lumayo siya kasi the feeling is not mutual or b) 'syota-in' niya si May kasi in fairness, mahal niya rin naman at some level. Eh shi-nyota nya. Ayon kay May, pareho daw silang talo.

Sabi naman ni Bogs, lahat ng kasalanan aaminin niya, pero hindi ang ginawa niyang rebound si May. Dahil eto, minahal at mahal naman daw niya si May talaga. (Whateverrrr)

Basta marami pang side-stories within the story kung saan nagmumula ang conflict. Isa sa mga bagay na hindi ko na-appreciate sa movie ay yung pinilit isqueeze lahat ng gulo ng mundo sa isang love story.

Eto na, here's what I learned! (drumroll please)
1. Kapag girl ang unang nagconfess ng feelings, magiging caught off guard ang boys dahil likas silang clueless at naknakan ng dense. So feeling ko pag girls ang nag-initiate, sure fail ang kahihinatnan kasi sadyang may katimangang taglay ang mga boys sa pagsagot sa mga ganyang bagay.
2. Mapaparespond ang boys out of impulse. Kaya dapat hindi sila pine-pressure ng ganyan.
3. Good luck kung lahat ng boys/best boy friends ay kasing yummy ni Gerald Anderson (haha, ipilit ba).
4. Kapag marami ka pang unresolved issues as a person, mahirap pumasok in a relationship kasi ang dami mo nang idi-deal na minsan ay beyond your comprehension.
5. Ayos buhay muna para it's not complicated.
6. Napakadali mag rebound tapos magiging fast break. As in break kayo agad pag na-acknowledge na ng rebound na rebound siya.
7. Si Ryan Cayabyab pala ang nag-compose ng Paano Na Kaya. Ang ganda, hay. Emotero din pala ang lolo mo.

Ipakwento niyo na lang sakin in person. With matching reenactment pa. :) Hahaha. :D

here you go alice banez

you deleted your retard pictures, unfair!

so i'm keeping your boyfie shot. :P

you know you love me,
xoxo
X