shine, shine, shine

i was reading a british chick lit, not exactly what you'd call smart reading, but hey, it's not like i had better things to do. i was really amused by the lead character, she's a shopaholic [guess the book title] and she's so real. i do think i can be as ditzy as her often times. but not all ditzy-sounding and looking people are as bad as anyone thinks they are. hah! you'd be surprised to know that they actually have something in between their ears. and it's prettier than what you see. [ehem, ehem]

the author is a journalist and i have to hand it to her, she makes it sound as if writing is the best job in the world. journalists do have a knack for turning otherwise uninteresting tales into a winner. they almost always make a lame tale into a pulitzer tear-jerker. as if it's worth writing about. and they do get away with it. even if they have to exaggerate, they give typical, everyday life a human interest angle. right.

my feature writing teacher thinks i couldn't write. and for a while, i listened to her [that's the ditz in me talking]. i seriously think that i didn't have enough substance to meet her standards. and then i realized she had none. standards, i mean. i do believe she was bitter and she hated my class for some mundane reason. haha. poor blouse.

who knew i'd be writing for my first job and sidelining as tagapanatili ng kagandahan [you see, i make my own job title]. wait, i didn't get a degree in journalism for nothing. so let me tell you about my life.

[haha. like i have one.]

it had only been a week since my graduation when i got offered a writing-slash-PR-slash-food taster [haha] job. i didn't even sweat to look for a job. i go to work only when i feel like it and i wear fabulous ensembles from U2. when i'm not upholding beauty in the workplace, my friends and i meet for a margarita or coffee and dine in all these fancy places. i get to try different cuisines weekly. plus at work, we have free lunch and if we're lucky we get to sample the fine, culinary expertise of our resident chef. we do have that at work, you know.

but i wonder somehow if that's the kind of job i wanted to keep. i mean, i get to chat with the right people, get endorsements every now and then, do radio plugs and write press releases... it's too much really. i want to be something else. like a star. not an actress. a star. and it's Biblical too [okay that was taken out of context, scratch that].

i seriously want to be a celebrity but my non-showbiz parents think it's a waste of energy. but but but, i think i'll be good at it. no, i can't really act, i lost my thespian inclinations a long time ago. but who in philippine showbusiness can, right? nobody would notice.i was born for stardom. i mean, i'm so glam, i piss glitter!

i'm gearing up for celebrity status. i can't go on leading a normal life. i want sparkle. i want controversy. i want to give kris aquino a run for her money [or half of it]. normalcy is just so not me. really unbecoming. so watch out fame, xaris is so there.

[now, what did i say about journalists and exaggerating...?]

DISCLAIMER: journalism is a profession of accuracy and fact-checking. if i had a license, it would have been revoked... even before i got my degree. let REAL journalists live.

para kay bobby andrews

my close friend's boyfriend passed away today. the guy had been sick for a long time but is very positive about life. he loved my friend dearly. loved. as in past tense. how quick life is. and the sad part is that my friend wasn't with him when that happened. he was in pampanga, she in baguio. no goodbyes. no nothing.

i also want to die young. [hindi dahil suicidal ako or anything ah] i seriously want to go home up there and be with my Lord forevermore. but that's preempting His will diba, kaya chillax lang. seize the day for His glory.

kaya, bago mahuli ang lahat, magtatapat na ako.

remember TGIS days? *sigh* well, it had always been the highlight of my week, to see bobby andrews aka joaquin torres III or wacks and peachy making pa-cute and other teeny bopper stuff [sheesh. i was in the 5th grade. that was my idea of kilig]. i would even try to go to their set and watch the taping [which is really ridiculous because i live on the other side of the planet]. puh-thetique talaga. hehe. i'd collect his pictures pa and drool on articles written about him. i would even give my life to defend the glory of TGIS when the rival network came up with a teen show. i remember fighting with a classmate when she said rico yan was cuter [to which, i agree now].

when i realized mcgyver and i could not be together, i considered batman or shaider. and when it sank in that we have no future, i settled for bobby andrews. i loved bobby andrews. or wacks. [i was a confused kid, they could very well be the same person, duh.] i swore allegiance to the TGIS barkada which i believed would last forever. i promised to marry bobby andrews [i'm hardcore jologs like that]! fortunately, kids do grow up. and hey, it was good while it lasted.

looking back, i'm now, what the heck was i thinking??

buryong.

isang tulog na lang, AMORSOLO partay na! sinong mag-aakala na makalipas ang apat na taon, eh, going strong pa rin kami. naks. i never thought i would use "going strong" to refer to a, uh, multiple relationship (?). hehe. nainlab na sa section ang baklang ako. creepy. so yeah, everyone had better be there or cindy and i will attack real soon. boo.

:::::::(",):::::::

bat ang daming kantang naisusulat tungkol sa jeepney? basa...
-bumaba ako sa JEEPNEY
-miss miss sa loob ng JEEPNEY
-doon sa sakayan ng JEEP
-konti na lang at aandar nang aking JEEPNEY
-mga JEEPNEY mong nagliliparan
...at marami pang iba. siguro. tapos parang inlab lagi ang tema. siguro nga'y may mga tao na nakakatagpo ng pag-ibig sa mahiwagang sasakyan na ito na nagbuhat pa noong world war 2. eh bat ganon? jeep naman ako ng jeep, wala naman akong nakakatagpo. boo to the 100th power. mabuti pa ang taxi. isa lang ang pwede mong pagkainteresan. yung mamang taxi driver. at kung hindi ma-type-an, kiber lang, walang emotional investment. olats nga lang ang metro. kasi naman, welcome to the thirdworld. buti pa sa baguio, sulit magtaxi. mura na nga, honest pa yung mga driver. ultimong singkwenta sentimos, ibabalik sayo. tas tatawagin ka pang ma'am o kaya ading. sweet noh.

balik tayo sa jeep. ah, ano nga ba. ayun. kalokohan mag-jeep sa aurora blvd patungong quiapo. kasi may lrt na. hahaha. walang point yung sinabi ko, actually. kaya wala, tatapusin ko na ang usapan o kantahang jeepney.

[who to diss, who to diss]

oh. i was watching myx one late night looking forward to seeing the one music video that seems to be eluding me. so while waiting, i decided to check out other videos and not channel zap [because i love channel surfing]. actually i didn't watch the videos, i was reading the lyrics. and what lack of poetry and style one band, let's call it P-syet [silent T], had! lame is the best word for it. parang chopsuey na kung anu-anong cliche. and the melody was okay but then it's not exactly "original" because most of their songs sounded like it. i then found myself crying for the philippine music industry. that's exaggerated. but i was sad, really. buti na lang, hindi lahat ng artists katulad nila. boo. and i won't even mention that none of the band members are hot. diba, kung wala kang substance, daanin mo sa form. eh kaso, parehong wala. so boo, boo, boo.

be nice xai.

erm, i didn't get to see the one video i so wanted to see. grah.

wheeeee!

last night [or was it in the wee hours of morning], a full moon was up even when a storm was still brewing [or about to say goodbye; i never really cared much about the weather]. and so the tree branches outside my window were beating against the wind; a coconut tree on the left and a palawan cherry/balete tree on the right. imagine the swaying branches plus the howling wind plus a little drizzle illuminated by the moon in the background. it was a little creepy, much like a scene from a horror movie or michael jackson's thriller. i was waiting for the tenenenenenenen theme from twilight zone; it didn't come. and ohmigoodness, there were bats! i swear they were screeching and flying around without direction, perhaps bumping into tree trunks or something. for some reason, i smiled at the thought that batman is probably around the corner... seriously, last night was so creepy. but i wasn't freaked out or anything. i was actually a bit kilig. i couldn't go back to sleep and i reached for my phone. i had three messages. one was from my thesis partner who said they were praying for me. at 3am. surreal mehn. it's a nice feeling when people dear to you remember to pray for you. maybe that's why i couldn't sleep.

for some reason, just lying in bed watching the movements outside was really relaxing. i took the time to thank the Lord for all His blessings. and like i usually do, i make sumbong about all my frustrations and cry my heart out to Him. and then i sing and tell Him how mcuh i love him. and you know, the next day, i woke up wearing a smile and a certain glow that comes from within.

and what a great day i had. :) keeleg talaga.

to euclid

i see no future in us.

one, because you are you and i am me.

two, because we don't see things eye to eye.

three, because i am psychic and i am good at being one.

you are always near yet so far. it's the dumbest cliche i can think of, but it's the truest. i imagine you and me together and it had been perfect for a while. we held hands like two kids lost in unfamiliar territory. it was comforting to know that you were beside me. i'd get lost with you any time. i hope we never get found.

you have a beautiful mind. your thoughts are always delicious. you see things i wanted to see. you live out all my frustrations. you, above all, always make me smile. and when you smile back, it's enough reason to believe in fairytales and magic.

you are my only audience. with you, i can sing my heart [and lungs] out and even if i miss a note, you wouldn't mind. when you're around, i can be witty and i love the way you laugh or smirk or roll your eyes at my cornball jokes. your laugh is contagious. with you, i can love like there's no tomorrow; as if there's no such thing as pain... as if i won't ever hurt.

we're perfect for each other. you and i both think so but it's never going to happen. because i still have to wake up. because i still have to exist. because you and i are not real.

i love you even before i knew you existed. i love you. still and for always. i choose to love you despite the craziness of it. i choose to love you when you go bad. i choose to love you even in oblivion. when will we see each other again?

perhaps never. or when you start living in this lifetime.

boo-hoo

i miss encantadia.

i miss baguio.

boo-hoo.

ano bur, dibur?

I feel like a corporate brat. I never applied for a job and yet here I am, busily typing away at a work station. And this isn’t even my own. Last week, I used the CEO’s desk and personal computer. That felt so surreal. It was fun swiveling around in the nicest chair in the office, writing, or checking my mail every now and then or playing solitaire or free cell or Barbie. Then this week, I decided that playing CEO is too much and I transferred myself to another station. Fortunately, the person whose computer I am using is on leave and I have free access to her unit. Desk and all [and oh, her computer is DSL connected, yey me!].

I don’t have a schedule. I don’t even have a time card. My resume is not required [but I chose to submit one anyway]. I can leave the office any time. Come here anytime [but work ethics tells me that I should at least come early]. I revise my work only when they tell me to and that after so many days. I think this is freelance but I’m told to come to the office everyday. I like coming here because they have DSL. I’m cool with the set up.

What my job description is, I dun no. All I know is that I write and moonlight at events. And check my mail. And uphold beauty. And play solitaire. And pester my bosses every now and then.

At least I get to wear heels and feel mature- like a working girl. And I don’t have to don a uniform. Someday, I hope. Green is the new black diba? Hehe.

spell desperation

i seriously want to be a celebrity. as in really, really want to be one. for so many reasons, mundane and profound and crazy and sincere. i want to be seen on that blasted tv screen.

enter pinoy big brother. nyeh. i've always thought it was beneath me to go for it. i'm mayabang like that. i feel like i could do so much better than being kuya's clown. hehe. i'm too much of a drama queen anyway. i don't think i'd last a day. sooo... why am i suddenly noting down the audition schedules and why am i planning on a new image and what's the deal with me thinking of a tagline, duh diba? eto pa malala, i'm mapping out a plan to make pbb fit my life projections for the year. puh-thetique.

while nothing is concrete yet, this is my plan.

:: audition in baguio and project an urban chic/ukay freak coolness.
:: audition in manila and project an urban chic/ukay freak/conio/jologs coolness.
:: image: santa, mabait, humil, kenkoy, psychic.
:: talents: stand up comedy na ako lang nakakgets sa mga hirit ko pero tatawa sila kasi i'm super charming.
:: under the iceberg image: back stabber pero sweet kaya nilalaglag ko na sila, hindi pa nila alam.

tas dapat ako unang maeevict. no tears. all laughs. tas rakrakan kasi nakita na ako sa tv sa wakas.
yeahboi!

oh diba, pwede na. pero wait lang tikbalang, pano nako magaaply sa cnn nyan?

loving till it hurts and other musings by the byutipul me

hindi mo ako pinatulog kagabi. nakakainis ka.
pero mahal kita. dahil mahal kita.
nakatulog ka kaya? sana'y mahimbing.

thyet. cheesy to the nth level. nasasapian na naman ako ng kung anong epidemyng hindi ko mawari. whatever.

anyway highway,i'm super excited to go up the mountains again. balik baguio na ako. kaya buh-bye metro manila. to your icky smog. to your humid air. to your dirty pavement.

pero bat kapag nasa baguio ako, hinahanap-hanap kita? [insert manila, manila, i keep coming back to manila...yeahyeahyeah]

mga jeepney mong nagliliparan, mga katulad kong naggagandahan... grabeng personhood ito!

the XALAI'S guide to impeccable vocabulary.
humil- being mababa.
ex. "Ay how sweet. he's so humil. hindi siya mayabang!"
humbility- the act of being humil. also referred to as humbleness.
ex. "alam niyo kailangan niyo ng humbility para hindi kayo kinatatakutan."
assumptionist- a person assuming to much.
ex. "Masyado ka namang assumptionist, eh iba naman ang crush niya."
feeler- a person who thinks he or she feels it all.
ex. "Ang feeler mo naman. wala yang gusto sa iyo, noh."
feelership- the fellowship of feeler people.
prettyful- me
nocturnality- a nationality distinct to night persons.
may i- [ano ba? ewan]
ganacity- a term coined by a screaming fag named nash whcih means, gana.
ex. "Stop bothering me. You're distrupting my ganacity sa pagsusulat ng paper! vova!"
vova- a term yet again coined by the screaming fag mentioned above, meaning engot.

DISCLAIMER: i mean screaming fag in the nicest possible way. if i call you that, i like you. i'm not homophobic [sometimes] so it's not meant to be offensive.

waking up to palawan cherry blossoms

my room mates laugh at my "abnormally long hours of sleep." i really can't blame them because, duh, sleeping is a talent i am proud of. i can sleep anywhere, through anything. one time, i lay down on the grass while my groupmates are shooting and the next thing i knew, i was asleep. they had to wake me up and it's super embarassing. at ang kati kati ng damo. grah.

i can sleep the whole day [try an intensity 9 earthquake, i'd still be snoozing] and i choose sleep over anything. well, maybe except food or great talk. i do declare, i'm a rip van winkle incarnate. hehe.

because i sleep half of my life, i need to have a reason to wake up. and rare reasons are they. i like seeing the sun in the morning. the day doesn't start until sunrise. without the sun, i don't get up. so when a storm is up, it takes me effort and a strong will before getting up.

in my new room, my bed is near the window [yey! i have windows] and i see the palawan cherry blossoms outside. i like waking up to pinks, yellows, blues and greens that only a bright, sunshiney morning can bring. [hallmark ba ito?] but the cherry blossoms are now out of season, so yeah... blah.

i also need to smell brewed coffee. my lola is the ultimate caffeine addict and a day isn't complete without coffee. i take a lot after her. i love the smell of freshly brewed beans [especially the benguet kind i bring home]. she brews them, i wake up.

ponkan on christmas day also gets me up and about! it's the generic christmas smell in our house. i get a feeling that it will be a citrussy day when i smell ponkan, why waste it in bed?

oh. one reason for waking up even when i can sleep all day anyway is... the thought of seeing prospects or hearing fom them or whatever. yeah. boy crazy? fwede. it's way funner than dreaming about them. on most days, if you catcheth my driftage.

and i need to smile when i wake up. so if i get a rude awakening, i promise to get on your nerves for the rest of the day.

and the best reason for waking up is... Jesus. because He rocketh like whoa. and duh, tis the day that the Lord hath made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. [hurray for sunday school!]